Discouraged...

So my friends today was not the greatest day for me. I am not happy with myself today at all. I had a very bad night last night and I have let it effect me today. Last night my boyfriend and I got into such a big fight and I was so emotional and crying and upset which led me to not get up and go to the gym this morning, all I have eaten today is chips and some crescent rolls and I just feel horrible about it now. I love my boyfriend and he loves me and we have already worked things out which we always so, I am just upset with myself right now that I ate so badly today since I have been doing so well. This just shows that food really is a comfort for me, I was upset so I turned to bad food, the food I always turn to when I am heartbroken, sad, upset, frustrated, bored and depressed. Ugh. I just feel like I cannot do this. I am sitting here watching The Biggest Loser and seeing these peoples transformations I am just like wow I want that to be me but what am I doing? Sitting on the couch doing nothing about it. I can relate to what they are saying, about sitting on the couch being miserable, hating my appearance, not being happy with any part of my life which I am sure is a big factor of the fights I have been having with my boyfriend. It is sad because after I was assaulted I have dated cheaters and liars and jerks and been so attached to them but my boyfriend now is none of those things yet I am pushing him away. I mean of course he is not 100% innocent in our arguments that is for sure but I feel like my unhappiness is definitely contributing to them. I just have this mentality of "Why bother losing weight if everything else in my life sucks" but I have this mindset that is ridiculous and I bet if I lost the weight and committed to changing that I know everything else in my life will turn out so much better.
I am just sick of hiding from life, I am hiding here in my apartment not feeling worthy of even going out there and being with people. I see the workouts and challenges the people on the show are doing and I think " I cannot do that, I do not have Gillian or Bob screaming at me and telling me what to do therefore I cannot do it" excuses?? I just feel like I cannot do this...ugh...
In other news my kitty Estelle is getting fixed tomorrow but she has a serious heart problem which is very serious to have her put under for surgery. So I am very nervous about this and I will be devastated if something happens to her... so everyone just keep little Estelle in your thoughts :)
Kind of an un-motivational posting but I am feeling discouraged and upset and just like I am destined for this life...AM I?? Is this what is meant for me?