Hello friends
Well yesterday was a good day!! I reached my first 5 pound loss, I did reach 189.8 which is under the 190's however I knew that it would go up a little bit after dinner and such so I am now still 190 which is fine with me as I just hope to make it solidly into the 180's for April 1st which is this week (I cannot believe it!). Also yesterday I got 2 job interviews YES 2! I got an interview for Old Navy and also for Loblaws which is a grocery store here. I have worked in a grocery store for 10 years so I hope that unless I completely screw up in the interview that I should hopefully get the job. The Old Navy job is a group interview and I think it is just an info session but the lady said that she would be setting up one on one interviews. Both my interviews are on Monday so I will keep everyone posted. I would rather get these then the one I have been waiting to hear about, the money would be about the same and with these jobs I could continue to work them throughout school whereas the other job ends in August. So I really hope I could do both since they are both part time but I just hope they are both accommodating to my schedule. Has anyone worked at either of these places before?
My sister came last night, it was awesome to see her and we had fun. We went to dinner and I ate really well, I had a quarter rotisserie chicken (white meat) and a side of pasta, I ate half the chicken and half the pasta, then had a garden salad and diet coke. So I was proud of this! I normally would eat the entire plate. However I did have some bread but I told myself that I was fine with this and I really enjoyed it and was only up about .4 after dinner which is not bad at all. Then after dinner we came back and watched The Blind Side it is a great movie, I highly recommend it for sure. Such a good story, if I had the money to do what these people did I totally would. It takes special people to take someone into their home. I love Sandra Bullock too and she was great in the movie, I think all of you should watch it :) My sister was all happy that my cat Frank snuggled with her all night, her cat never snuggles and she begs him to, so she was so happy that Frank slept with her all night, such a good snuggly kitty. Then today we went to the mall because she wanted to go to Lu Lu Lemon but we did not find much, she bought me a CD (new Beyonce) and wanted to buy me something at Lu Lu Lemon but I do not like people spending that kind of money on me so I told her I could not find anything I liked. She just left a couple hours ago and it was great to see her, and definitely nice to have a visitor!
Today I call cheat day, I have been doing awesome and am having one day to maybe eat a treat or something. I know that if I do not have this kind of day once a week or once every 2 weeks I WILL binge, I know this for a fact. So I am going to have pizza tonight, and I am going to LOVE IT. I know how bad it is for me and you know what? I am fine with it because I know tomorrow I am going to work my butt off and do the same all week. This week I pledge to drink lots of water and work out 4 times!
Happy Saturday :)
Showing posts with label pizza. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pizza. Show all posts
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Friday, November 20, 2009
Why Am I On The Couch?
So today has been alright so far. I reached my goals so far of not eating with the blinds closed because I have not eaten anything I am too ashamed of today. I also have been eating more and trying to eat every 2 hours even if I am not that hungry. I am learning that eating more often even if you kind of have to force it makes sure that you are not starving at any point in the day. When this happens to me and I am starving I will eat ANYTHING in sight which is usually something bad because it takes so much less time to make.
The things I am not so proud of today is that I am still just sitting on the couch all day. I recently moved to a new city so I do not know anyone yet other than my boyfriend who is at work all day from noon until 10pm and I have not gone out and gotten a job yet. Why? I DON'T KNOW!!! I do not think I am being lazy because I have been working since the age of 14 and always have but I think I have fallen into such a rut in my life that I don't even feel confident enough to go out and get a job! I only need a job that will last me until next September when I will either be attending teachers college or college so I just need a hold me over type of job which should be soooo easy to get. I have worked in a grocery store for almost 11 years so I clearly have a lot of experience and could probably walk into a grocery store around here and get a job but I sit here and think "what if they are not hiring?", "what if I don't get it?" just stupid stuff! I might as well just go and apply. What is holding me back people??? HELP ME!
So i need to get off the couch and get a job maybe that will help me with meeting new people and making some friends in this new city. I would love to have a couple girl friends to hang out with here and just have some fun!! However I went to the YMCA today and got a membership so I really hope I do not give in to my fears and just go and get er done! I am sick of my gut being big enough that I can place my bowl of chips on it without it falling off!! NOT GOOD MY FRIENDS NOT GOOD!
I am also going to find my local Weight Watchers and start attending meetings again. I have joined 3 separate times gone for a few weeks and then never followed through always making excuses for myself saying "Oh I can eat this" or "I can not go to the meeting this week because ___" just ridiculousness!!!! I am always trying to make excuses for myself and it is absolutely amazing the things I can justify to myself and make them seem rational even though they are completely irrational and ridiculous!
So today I was down 1.2 pounds which is good!! A pound I hopefully will not be re acquainted with in the future!! My eating today was OK could still have some improvement. I again had waffles and apple juice for breakfast but also had a fat free yogurt. Then for lunch I had 2 eggs with 3 strips of low salt bacon (which for me is quite the difference since I used to eat a whole package of bacon EW!). Now dinner is going to be the challenge as normally Friday night is pizza night. I will not allow myself to completely give up the foods I like because then I will just binge one day. So my dinner goal is: PORTION CONTROL!!! hopefully I can make this happen!!
Until tomorrow...
my friends...use a table not your gut to put your bowl on and make sure it is full of celery and not chips!! :)
The things I am not so proud of today is that I am still just sitting on the couch all day. I recently moved to a new city so I do not know anyone yet other than my boyfriend who is at work all day from noon until 10pm and I have not gone out and gotten a job yet. Why? I DON'T KNOW!!! I do not think I am being lazy because I have been working since the age of 14 and always have but I think I have fallen into such a rut in my life that I don't even feel confident enough to go out and get a job! I only need a job that will last me until next September when I will either be attending teachers college or college so I just need a hold me over type of job which should be soooo easy to get. I have worked in a grocery store for almost 11 years so I clearly have a lot of experience and could probably walk into a grocery store around here and get a job but I sit here and think "what if they are not hiring?", "what if I don't get it?" just stupid stuff! I might as well just go and apply. What is holding me back people??? HELP ME!
So i need to get off the couch and get a job maybe that will help me with meeting new people and making some friends in this new city. I would love to have a couple girl friends to hang out with here and just have some fun!! However I went to the YMCA today and got a membership so I really hope I do not give in to my fears and just go and get er done! I am sick of my gut being big enough that I can place my bowl of chips on it without it falling off!! NOT GOOD MY FRIENDS NOT GOOD!
I am also going to find my local Weight Watchers and start attending meetings again. I have joined 3 separate times gone for a few weeks and then never followed through always making excuses for myself saying "Oh I can eat this" or "I can not go to the meeting this week because ___" just ridiculousness!!!! I am always trying to make excuses for myself and it is absolutely amazing the things I can justify to myself and make them seem rational even though they are completely irrational and ridiculous!
So today I was down 1.2 pounds which is good!! A pound I hopefully will not be re acquainted with in the future!! My eating today was OK could still have some improvement. I again had waffles and apple juice for breakfast but also had a fat free yogurt. Then for lunch I had 2 eggs with 3 strips of low salt bacon (which for me is quite the difference since I used to eat a whole package of bacon EW!). Now dinner is going to be the challenge as normally Friday night is pizza night. I will not allow myself to completely give up the foods I like because then I will just binge one day. So my dinner goal is: PORTION CONTROL!!! hopefully I can make this happen!!
Until tomorrow...
my friends...use a table not your gut to put your bowl on and make sure it is full of celery and not chips!! :)
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Welcome All To My Journey
Hello all,
My name is Lauren and I am a 24 year old girl who is completely ready to change my life however I know this challenge is going to be long and very hard as I believe I have an addiction to food. Sometimes I wonder if other people feel this way, I wonder if I am the only one out there who feels truly addicted to food. I wonder if this is a crutch I use to justify the fact that I am overweight or if there is food addiction in actuality. Sometimes when I confide in people that I feel I have this addiction they look at me and say "oh yeah right" and proceed to laugh and poke fun at the statement I had just made. People think you have to be morbidly obese to have an addiction to food and just because I am not morbidly obese these people think I do not need help nor do I have a problem and this my friends has enabled me to continue to get bigger. Sometimes I feel absolutely crazy when I say out loud that I have an addiction to food and I believe that stopping these bad habits is like quitting smoking or drinking its hard and you sit there and constantly think about it until it makes you sick inside and you just have to go and get in your car and get to that convenience store or local pizza place to pick up your favourite junk. Mine is chips and pizza. Now I know that addictions come from somewhere and that we use our drug of choice (mine being food) to medicate feelings and emotions that we carry deep inside us and I myself am a definite example of this.
I use food whenever I am feeling lonely, sad, depressed, bored or restless. Food has this power of me that when i am sitting there eating a whole medium or large pizza to myself it feels good like I have company. Isn't it sad that I can say out loud that pizza keeps me company? Am I the only one who does this? But the hard part is after I have scoffed down that whole pizza I feel double as lonely and fat and bad about myself as I did before I ate it. It is such a short fix, a short lived high and it does not provide any sort of positive benefit in my life. When I was in high school I always enjoyed junk food but what teenager doesn't? However I was very active and a huge athlete back then and also was much happier until I hit a certain rough period which will be revealed in future blogs. Once this pivotal event happened in my life I held it in and felt so bad about myself and just started eating because that was the only thing I felt I could control. It's the same for people who are anorexic or bulimic it's just another type of eating disorder. When you are sitting in your room door closed, blinds closed eating chicken wings 5 nights a week and are hiding the garbage so your roomates don't see it...that is a problem my friends!
I started out university at 130 pounds and I now weigh 193 the most I have ever weighed in my entire life and I have never felt less pretty, sexy, self confident or happy. I have dealt with depression throughout my adult life however now I feel it has hit an all time high. I am not enjoying my life, I am not living my life and I vow to change that.
Why has it taken me so long? Why has it taken being overweight for so many years without me doing anything about it? Why have I not taken control of my own destiny? Why do I let myself get so brought down by other girls or friends that have turned their backs on me? Why do I make excuse after pathetic excuse as to why I have not done anything about this yet? I need to start loving myself again so that I will not be so effected by what others think of me and say about me to my face and behind my back. I need to take control of my life instead of watching it pass me by while I am sitting on the couch, blinds closed, eating horrible food wallowing in my own misery.
I have always been a huge fan of The Biggest Loser and of course I cry at every episode. I used to cry out of pure joy for these people who are dealing with so many emotions and obstacles and really going for it and taking control of their lives. But now I cry because I RELATE to them and I never thought this would happen. The latest episode when Rebecca (who looks fabulous) was voted off really got to me. The final 6 gave speeches to an audience about their struggle with weight loss and I found I could relate to so much of what they were saying. I was sitting on my couch bawling my eyes out saying "I'm that girl on the couch eating bad food watching Biggest Loser thinking I cant do it" but you know what? I CAN AND I WILL
I have turned into someone who is scared of everything. Scared to apply to new jobs, scared to confront people when they are rude to me or treat me badly, scared to really commit to lose weight, scared to take a fitness class infront of other people, scared to be intimate with my boyfriend because of my total lack of self confidence (even though he tells me I am beautiful every single day but it matters what I think even though I love him to death), scared of exploring the new city I just moved to, scared to do pretty much anything and it is holding me back in every regard of my life and my twenties are just floating by before my eyes.
This is my time and I am ready to take control. I know it wont be easy but I hope to really make my dreams come true and to love who I am on the inside and the outside. I will be scared, I will want to quit, I will want to go get me some All Dressed Chips and eat the whole bag, I will try to justify why I just bought those chips, I will be a huge brat due to withdrawal of said chips lol but I can do this and I hope whoever reads this feels a tiny bit inspired to do the same and maybe we can support each other in this hard challenge that is weight loss and the journey to self confidence!
i can do this
My name is Lauren and I am a 24 year old girl who is completely ready to change my life however I know this challenge is going to be long and very hard as I believe I have an addiction to food. Sometimes I wonder if other people feel this way, I wonder if I am the only one out there who feels truly addicted to food. I wonder if this is a crutch I use to justify the fact that I am overweight or if there is food addiction in actuality. Sometimes when I confide in people that I feel I have this addiction they look at me and say "oh yeah right" and proceed to laugh and poke fun at the statement I had just made. People think you have to be morbidly obese to have an addiction to food and just because I am not morbidly obese these people think I do not need help nor do I have a problem and this my friends has enabled me to continue to get bigger. Sometimes I feel absolutely crazy when I say out loud that I have an addiction to food and I believe that stopping these bad habits is like quitting smoking or drinking its hard and you sit there and constantly think about it until it makes you sick inside and you just have to go and get in your car and get to that convenience store or local pizza place to pick up your favourite junk. Mine is chips and pizza. Now I know that addictions come from somewhere and that we use our drug of choice (mine being food) to medicate feelings and emotions that we carry deep inside us and I myself am a definite example of this.
I use food whenever I am feeling lonely, sad, depressed, bored or restless. Food has this power of me that when i am sitting there eating a whole medium or large pizza to myself it feels good like I have company. Isn't it sad that I can say out loud that pizza keeps me company? Am I the only one who does this? But the hard part is after I have scoffed down that whole pizza I feel double as lonely and fat and bad about myself as I did before I ate it. It is such a short fix, a short lived high and it does not provide any sort of positive benefit in my life. When I was in high school I always enjoyed junk food but what teenager doesn't? However I was very active and a huge athlete back then and also was much happier until I hit a certain rough period which will be revealed in future blogs. Once this pivotal event happened in my life I held it in and felt so bad about myself and just started eating because that was the only thing I felt I could control. It's the same for people who are anorexic or bulimic it's just another type of eating disorder. When you are sitting in your room door closed, blinds closed eating chicken wings 5 nights a week and are hiding the garbage so your roomates don't see it...that is a problem my friends!
I started out university at 130 pounds and I now weigh 193 the most I have ever weighed in my entire life and I have never felt less pretty, sexy, self confident or happy. I have dealt with depression throughout my adult life however now I feel it has hit an all time high. I am not enjoying my life, I am not living my life and I vow to change that.
Why has it taken me so long? Why has it taken being overweight for so many years without me doing anything about it? Why have I not taken control of my own destiny? Why do I let myself get so brought down by other girls or friends that have turned their backs on me? Why do I make excuse after pathetic excuse as to why I have not done anything about this yet? I need to start loving myself again so that I will not be so effected by what others think of me and say about me to my face and behind my back. I need to take control of my life instead of watching it pass me by while I am sitting on the couch, blinds closed, eating horrible food wallowing in my own misery.
I have always been a huge fan of The Biggest Loser and of course I cry at every episode. I used to cry out of pure joy for these people who are dealing with so many emotions and obstacles and really going for it and taking control of their lives. But now I cry because I RELATE to them and I never thought this would happen. The latest episode when Rebecca (who looks fabulous) was voted off really got to me. The final 6 gave speeches to an audience about their struggle with weight loss and I found I could relate to so much of what they were saying. I was sitting on my couch bawling my eyes out saying "I'm that girl on the couch eating bad food watching Biggest Loser thinking I cant do it" but you know what? I CAN AND I WILL
I have turned into someone who is scared of everything. Scared to apply to new jobs, scared to confront people when they are rude to me or treat me badly, scared to really commit to lose weight, scared to take a fitness class infront of other people, scared to be intimate with my boyfriend because of my total lack of self confidence (even though he tells me I am beautiful every single day but it matters what I think even though I love him to death), scared of exploring the new city I just moved to, scared to do pretty much anything and it is holding me back in every regard of my life and my twenties are just floating by before my eyes.
This is my time and I am ready to take control. I know it wont be easy but I hope to really make my dreams come true and to love who I am on the inside and the outside. I will be scared, I will want to quit, I will want to go get me some All Dressed Chips and eat the whole bag, I will try to justify why I just bought those chips, I will be a huge brat due to withdrawal of said chips lol but I can do this and I hope whoever reads this feels a tiny bit inspired to do the same and maybe we can support each other in this hard challenge that is weight loss and the journey to self confidence!
i can do this
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