MIA

Hello friends
Yes I have been MIA (missing in action) for a few days, pretty much avoiding admitting that I have not done well the past few days. Needless to say I have almost gained back everything that I lost in the past couple weeks since I started this weight loss journey. I was so stressed last week about the job and school thing that I ate horribly and was not working out, and then this past weekend was K's birthday so where we went for lunch and dinner were horribly unhealthy and had no healthy options available. I know sometimes this is what happens, we have family things at restaurants that have no good options, and at first I felt okay with this, but now I am feeling bad about it after weighing in this morning and realizing I have gained almost everything back.

I am feeling bad about myself.

I joined the Ugly Cupcake society and our first challenge was to lose 5 pounds this week and I have gained. I will continue with the challenge however it is a definite that I will not lose 5 or even 2.

It is so hot in here, our landlords have not given us screens so I cannot even open the window. UGH

I have to decide between Queens University and the University of Ottawa by this Saturday. I do not know what to do. I want to go to Queens but it will cost about 5000 more, but I feel it would be worth it if that is where I want to be, but I just do not know what to do.

I hate feeling this way about myself.

Why Am I Such A Procrastinator???

All I can say my friends is UGH!! WHY AM I SUCH A PROCRASTINATOR?????? I am very mad at myself right now for numerous reasons. First of all I am mad at myself because teachers college applications are due December 1st which is yes 8 days away (can you believe it? Christmas is in a month!!). So of course last night I was laying in bed talking to my boyfriend about if I even want to go to teachers college. Now is this because I am afraid? Is this another thing I am shying away from due to fear? Or do I really just not want to go or maybe I am not ready or maybe I just want to do something else with my life. I have always wanted to help people I have always debated between counselling or teaching so I am now having a hard time figuring out what I want to do with this December 1st deadline looming over my head. So I almost just said I am not going to apply...I actually got to this point because I am scared and unsure.
However I have decided to go for it, although I may be too late. I am hoping my transcripts from the school I did my undergraduate degree at get to the teachers colleges I have applied to within the next 8 days or else ... well I have screwed myself once again due to my procrastination and fear. So needless to say I am extreme paranoid that my transcripts will not get there in time and that I will end up wasting 400 dollars in applying with no point :( So cross your fingers for me!! I just hate not knowing what I want to do with my life. I know I want to help people I would love to get into counselling but that requires me to go get my masters which I probably do not have the grades for even though I have an honours degree I do have some bad marks on my transcripts which unfortunately brought my average down to a low B which does not get you into Graduate school. So I do think I would love teaching its just will I get there? Will I get in? It is notoriously hard to get in to teachers college where I live so there is a big possibility that I will not even get in. Ugh. I hate not knowing for sure what i want to do. I used to think that by the time I was 25 I would know what I wanted to do with my life and I would actually be doing it. But I have no clue and I am just sitting on my couch wondering what the heck am I doing with my life? *SIGH*
Another thing I am disappointed with is that I did not go to the gym today nor did I exercise or eat lots of fruit or veggies. I had such good intentions as I went to the fridge tonight and saw no food. Now that I have started eating better my groceries are not lasting as long because I am not ordering take out or eating chips for breakfast lunch and dinner anymore. So tomorrow I definitely have to load up on groceries AND go to the gym!!
I am currently forcing myself to watch the series finale of Jon and Kate Plus 8 just to see what the end will bring for them. However the show is about Kate taking the kids to a dairy farm and Jon yelling at his kids and acting like a giant D-BAG so I guess nothing on this episode is different than any other. It is sad that families can fall apart like that and to see clips of them really happy together and now they are in such a bad place...makes me sad for them :( No matter how much of a jerk he is made out to be or diva she is made out to be I cannot help but feel sorry for them. But I feel sorry for everyone and just wish I could help everyone, I guess maybe I should keep helping myself first!!
Well peeps have a good night and I will post again tomorrow with a hopeful weight in the 180s I am only .4 pounds away from 189 YAY I am sure my eyebrows are eagerly awaiting the 189 pounds celebratory plucking!

Almost In the 180's!! YAY

Alright friends (all 4 of you!) today was a pretty good day. I will start with the positives. I ate well today and reached my goal of drinking a lot of water. I had about 4 glasses of water today and a Diet Coke *mmm*, so I am pretty proud of that. This whole eating more often thing and drinking more water definitely helps to not be starving and therefore eat lots of bad food at once. This morning on the scale I was 191 which is 2 pounds lost since Thursday and today is Saturday so not too shabby at all considering I have only changed my eating habits and have not worked out. The negatives of today I would have to say are that I am still not eating enough and I did not have any fruit today I did however have vegetables so that is a good thing. Well I had a strawberry yogurt so there is some fruit just not quite enough.
Another thing I was proud of today was that I went out for dinner with my boyfriend which I was nervous about because dining out can always be hard when you are trying to lose weight. However I had a diet coke and water to drink, I ordered whole wheat pasta with Arrabiata sauce (the waitress brought white pasta by accident so I immediately decided to only eat about a third of the portion which was more than enough) and some white chicken breast in the pasta. I also had a large salad with oil and vinegar dressing mmm it was delish! So I was quite proud of the fact that I did not eat tons of bread at dinner, did not order anything deep fried, and did not eat my whole dinner! Aside from the annoyance of having to drive all the way across the city to one restaurant then seeing the wait time was too long then going to another restaurant with the same wait time to then proceeding to drive across the city again to another wait time...well it was a good night once we sat down to dinner anyways. There may have been a few lovers quarrels in the car ha ha you know how men are with making decisions!!
Why is it my friends that when we have allowed ourselves to gain weight we feel like we have let ourselves go? And we really do let ourselves go!!! I looked at myself today and thought "so when we gain weight that means we just automatically stop plucking our eyebrows or brushing ouR hair?" or is that just me?? (I hope not!) It is though I feel like I am not worthy enough to look pretty even though I have some extra weight on me. Am i not worthy?? I am not sure why I feel this way, its quite silly but I guess it goes with the lack of self confidence and self esteem. If the main thing I see when I look in the mirror is a chubby face, double chin, and lots of rolls then who the heck is going to notice by bushy eyebrows??
Well i vow to be in the 180's soon (have not seen those in a LONG TIME) and when I reach 189 I will pluck my eyebrows, I am sure my boyfriend will thank me for that!
I hope everyone has a great weekend and remember...If we pluck our eyebrows it makes us lighter!!