Friday, December 18, 2009

I am failing...NOT GOOD

Well people I am not doing well with the weight loss and life changes. I am very discouraged as I have been looking for a job and applying every single day and have not received one phone call, UGH. Apparently a university degree and 10 years experience do not get you a job, it is driving me crazy which means I have been sitting around at home eating bad food. Such a horrible cycle. I also have not been going to the gym or going to the counselling that I said I was going to do. Lets just hope people are waiting to hire after the holidays and I can pull myself out of this bad rut I am in.
I am also a giant scaredy cat lol, my boyfriend has been working midnights which leaves me alone during the night and last night some guy knocked on my door a few times and was creeping me out. This lead to me not sleeping at all and staying up until 630 when my boyfriend came home, so now I feel like total crap!! I have always been this way, I get scared of things that should not scare me. When I was a kid I had horrible night terrors, the same dream haunted me every single night for years and turned me into someone who is afraid of the night. Not every night am I afraid just when things like that happen or I hear noises, but I have my kitties here to protect me (yeah right).
I have been keeping myself busy reading and cross stitching. I made my mom a cross stitch picture and am working on one for my boyfriends mom too, my mom will be so proud she is a very crafty lady and will be proud that I have made her something for Christmas. I have also started a new venture reading the top 100 books of all time. I am on the second one right now which is "The Da Vinci Code" which is awesome!! So i am almost done 2 out of 100 books, hopefully I can get this done before I die.
Right now I am trying to figure out what I am going to do with my life but it is hard since I do not find out if I got into teachers college until April 1st therefore my life is on hold. My plan right now is that if I get into teachers college then I will obviously go, but if not I am going to move to Vancouver, I have wanted to move there for years and 2 of my best friends are there so that would be nice and a good ole fun adventure. So hopefully April will come fast and I can make a plan because right now I feel like I am doing nothing with my life, my money is running out, no one is calling me for a job and I am feeling fat and depressed. So something better happen soon!!

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Updates on Life

Well my friends it has been a long time since I have written and there have been a few changes since my last post. I am still trying to lose weight and I have been eating much better than I have in years. Making sure I eat breakfast and more often throughout the day and also trying to drink more water and not so much junk food and take out. I have been eating 2 or 3 slices of pizza a week which is nothing compared to how I used to eat but every time I eat it I get the worst stomach ache its like my body is saying NOOO I DO NOT WANT I don't think I will be eating weekly pizza anymore, which is definitely a good thing but I will miss it. It sounds weird but it has been a big part of my life. I went through a depression about a year and a half ago after my then boyfriend told me one day he wanted to marry me and the next day left me in the middle of the night and told me it was over. I then proceeded to order Pizza Hut every night for 2 months...that is 60 straight days of a medium pizza or large pizza to myself, needless to say I had a stack bigger than me of pizza boxes in my apartment. Pizza was my drug of choice, it kept me company, i could eat my feelings instead of dealing with them, so trying to cut out these foods and eat better is actually emotionally challenging.
I have been going to the gym lately which is great however I really do not like the gym. At first I was getting really frustrated and almost cancelled my gym membership because I would rather do something that I really like instead of being in the gym which I hate. I used to be an athlete and play baseball which I loved which kept me in good shape so I want something like that to do so that I actually enjoy it and do not make excuses and never go. So I decided I would go to the fitness classes and use the pool at the gym and i enjoy it much better so I hope to see more weight coming off soon!!
My kitty Estelle made it through her surgery and is doing fine! She ripped out her stitches and lost like 3 teeth all within days after, poor girl but she is okay and is currently asleep at my feet!
We decorated our apartment for Christmas which was a lot of fun we got a beautiful tree and ornaments and stockings which i made some for our kitties with their pictures in them, they are so cute. We put a cute stocking on our apartment door about a week ago, then tonight we went out to get dinner, came home and our stocking had been stolen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am very upset about this!!! Who would do that? So many people on our floor have decorations on their doors and we are the ones who get ours stolen... not cool...i am sad about this!
I applied to teachers college so now I have to wait 5 months to see if i get in, I really hope so because I need to start doing something with my life, I am still unemployed and looking for a job so hopefully something thats right for me comes along soon!
Anyways thats all that is new, I stepped on the scale a couple days ago and saw 189 which I was soo happy about because I have not been out of the 190s in a long time, so hopefully tomorrow morning it will still say that, but I think it might have gone up again... SIGH!