Friday, April 30, 2010

Question for anyone doing Weight Watchers

Hello all
I have a question for anyone who does weight watchers. I am going to start my weigh ins on Tuesdays instead of Saturdays because of my work schedule. So this Tuesday I will be home visiting my parents, and was wondering can I go to a meeting there? Or do I have to go to the exact place I signed up at? It is in a different city but same province.

Friday Fives: Favourite Movies

Well it is Friday Fives over at (I do not know how to add a link so that you can click on it and go to her blog, can anyone help me how to do this?), ANYWAYS I could list about 100 of my favourite movies but I chose to stick to 5 or else this will be the longest post ever. So here they are, 5 out of many of my fave flicks along with a fave quote from each.

Sex and the City, what more can I say? LOVE IT! Cannot wait for the second one in May!!
"Charlotte Poughkeepsied in her pants" definitely the funniest scene in the movie!

The Sweetest Thing, my roomates and I watched this movie probably every day for a year while we lived in residence, soooo funny, I think I will watch it tonight actually.
"Let me put it to you this way. I had Lamb Curry last night and I'm shitting out a Buick!" HAHAHA

JAWS! I love scary movies and this is one of the original classics, LOVE IT!
"Smile you son of a bitch!" BEST line of the movie!

The Shawshank Redemption. I could watch this movie over and over, and still cry at the end. If you have not seen this movie, you MUST watch it. Every time I watch it I learn something and notice something new.
"There's not a day goes by I don't feel regret. Not because I'm in here, or because you think I should. I look back on the way I was then: a young, stupid kid who committed that terrible crime. I want to talk to him. I want to try and talk some sense to him, tell him the way things are. But I can't. That kid's long gone and this old man is all that's left. I got to live with that. Rehabilitated? It's just a bullshit word. So you go on and stamp your form, sonny, and stop wasting my time. Because to tell you the truth, I don't give a shit." This quote gives me goosebumps every time I hear it. PS I LOVE BROOKES AND CRY EVERY TIME. Brookes was here, so was Red.

Sister Act, LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE this movie just a feel good movie!
"Bless us, oh Lord, for these Thy gifts which we are about to recieve. And yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of no food, I will fear no hunger. We want you to give us this day, our daily bread. And to the republic for which it stands, and by the power invested in me, I pronounce us ready to eat. Amen."

I could go on with so many more, but I will leave it at 5!
Have a good Friday and weekend!

Picked Myself Off the Floor

Hey blog friends
Just first of all wanted to say thank you to everyone who commented on my rock bottom post, it really really meant a lot to me and helped more than you all know! So THANK YOU!!! I have been doing a lot better since then. The night after that happened K was working again at night so of course I wanted some sort of bad take out so instead I actually got dressed got in my car and went to the grocery store and bought some chicken breast white meat and ate that and felt much better about it. It was cheaper and better for me. I have been eating well throughout the day too taking lots of snacks to work so that I do not come home and pig out on bad food.

K and I went grocery shopping yesterday and bought lots of good stuff, I threw in one small bag of watermelon candies and thats it, so I think I will be doing better. I am really trying hard and know that I can go harder and I will. I am just kind of taking it easy after the other night as I kind of had an emotional breakdown and still feel a little fragile from it. But I will come out of it and next week I will go even harder and add some workouts into my good eating. I weigh in at Weight Watchers tomorrow and an hoping for a loss. Even one pound will make me happy!

I started my new job and have one more day of training tomorrow from 12-4 then I start working for real. I have done this for 11 years now so I am confident at the job but since I am starting at a different store then I have to train and start at the bottom of course. But I am there for 3 and a half months so I do not really care that much.

Anyways not much to report here just wanted to say thanks for the support and I will post my weigh in results tomorrow.

P.S Biggest Loser this week = me bawling my eyes out

Monday, April 26, 2010

Rock Bottom

Just a warning, this post will be jumbled, negative and descriptive of things you may not want to know about. If you want to read a cheery blog I am sorry but it will not be mine :( Not this time anyways. I normally hide and do not post when I am feeling this bad and some fellow bloggers encouraged me to write when I am feeling such as I am now so I am taking this advice.


I join weight watchers I buy good food, I make sure I have all the tools available to lose weight and you know what? I do nothing about it. I was going to completely avoid telling what I had for dinner and I planned on hiding it from K (so much shame involved) but I know he reads this blog and now he knows, but you know what I joined WW on saturday and here I am on Monday eating a whole small pizza and garlic bread. My body rebelled ( I will not go into detail on that one) but literally 5 minutes after I was finished I was in the bathroom... not good. I actually sat there in the bathroom and out loud said "what the f**k are you doing to yourself Lauren?", I think I have hit rock bottom. I have never felt such shame towards myself. It is so ridiculous because I am always saying that I have all the tools to lose weight yet I do not do anything about it and that I know what I need to do but I do not do it but you know what? The truth is, I do not know what I need to do because I have never done it. I have to try something new, something completely out of my comfort zone and something I just do not know what to do to be successful because I never give myself a chance to. Fear of trying new things has pushed me down so much in the past and it is doing it again. It is controlling me.

The "Guilty" Game

I got this game over at and it looked like a fun post for today since I wrote a lot yesterday. I am still battling with cravings. It is so much worse when K is working 4-12 because I am alone for dinner and just want bad things for dinner. I need to change this. Anyways here are the answers, message me if you need further details lol.

The rules of the game:
RULE 1- You can only say Guilty or Innocent.
RULE 2- You are not allowed to explain anything unless someone messages you and asks!
RULE 3- Copy and paste this into your notes, delete my answers, type in your answers and tag to your friends to answer this.

The Questions:

1. Asked someone to marry you? INNOCENT
2. Ever kissed someone of the same sex? INNOCENT
3. Danced on a table in a bar? GUILTY
4. Ever told a lie? GUILTY
5. Had feelings for someone whose feelings you can’t have back? GUILTY
6. Kissed a picture? INNOCENT
7. Slept in until 5 PM? GUILTY
8. Fallen asleep at work/school? GUILTY
9. Held a snake? INNOCENT
10. Been suspended from school? INNOCENT
11. Worked at a fast food restaurant? INNOCENT
12. Stolen from a store? INNOCENT
13. Been fired from a job? INNOCENT
14. Done something you regret? GUILTY
15. Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? GUILTY
16. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? GUILTY
17. Kissed in the rain? GUILTY
18. Sat on a roof top? GUILTY
19. Kissed someone you shouldn't? GUILTY
20. Sang in the shower? GUILTY
21. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? INNOCENT
22. Shaved your head? GUILTY
23. Had a boxing membership? INNOCENT
24. Made a boyfriend/Girlfriend cry? GUILTY
25. Been in a band? GUILTY
26. Shot a gun? INNOCENT
27. Donated Blood? INNOCENT
28. Eaten alligator meat? GUILTY
29. Eaten cheesecake? INNOCENT
30. Still love someone you shouldn’t? INNOCENT
31. Have/had a tattoo? GUILTY
32. Liked someone, but will never tell who? INNOCENT
33. Been too honest? GUILTY
34. Ruined a surprise? GUILTY
35. Ate in a restaurant and got so bloated that you couldn’t walk afterward? GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY
36. Erased someone in your friends list? GUILTY
37. Dressed in a woman’s clothes (if you’re a guy) or man’s clothes (if you’re a girl)? GUILTY
38. Joined a pageant? INNOCENT
39. Been told that you’re handsome or beautiful by someone who really meant what they said? GUILTY
40. Had communication with your ex? GUILTY
41.Got totally drunk on the night before exam? GUILTY
42. Got so angry that you cried? GUILTY

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Crazy Head Games, Thinking in the FAT State of Mind

Well hello all
Hope everyone had a great weekend. Mine was alright, I got to go to my hometown and visit my family which was nice and had a good dinner out with my parents so I was happy about that. I also have not posted since Biggest Loser and it was a tear jerker, I love O Neal and Sunshine! And does anyone watch Survivor?? SUCH a good episode last week, I love Parvati I do not care how many people hate her but she is awesome and extremely smart!

Yesterday I ran a ton of errands and spent a little bit of money. My credit line is for school however there were some things I wanted and needed and have been putting off buying them. I feel so guilty when I buy things for myself and use my credit line so I never do. But these were things that will help along my weight loss journey so I am trying to not feel bad about this but I am having a hard time with it. This is what I did yesterday and bought. I went to Weight Watchers and signed up for 3 months, I feel I need the meetings and was happy I went, and the leader seems great. So I went there and spent money on that and then bought some weight watchers smoothies and snacks as well. I then went to No Frills and bought some yogurt, bananas and strawberries and then went and bought some new running shoes. The shoes I have hurt me the last time I walked and I knew that if I did not buy new ones I would not continue to work out. You will also notice that my weight now says 193.8 this is because when I weigh in at weight watchers I am fully clothed so I am just going to go by that weight. I do not think i will be 184 by my birthday so I am going to make my new goal OUT of the 190s by my 25th birthday.

So I bought Nike Max Fierce shoes, they are super nice and I love them but ofcourse they cost money too!! I wanted the Reebok Easy Tone but apparently they are strictly for walking but I would love to get a pair for work so that my feet do not kill when I get home (I stand all day). Does anyone have these shoes?? Do you like them??

I then bought the Slim in 6 workout system so I hope that works for me!! Does anyone out there who is trying to lose weight take supplements? I do not really want to other than maybe a multi vitamin but I was wondering if anyone takes them and which kind they take? I then went and bought 2 new cross stitch kits. I am finishing up one for K's mom and its taken me forever so I am looking forward to finishing it and starting a new one. The next one will be for my sister as a housewarming gift and then I bought one to make for me because I make them and give them away and this time I want one for me since I put so much work into them! I will post a picture of it when it is done!! So that is what I spent money on and as much as I am trying not to feel guilty I DO!!

So here is where the crazy head games come in. I sign up for weight watchers, I buy healthy food, I have the resources to work out... but I DON'T! I let food control me! I secretly eat, when I know my boyfriend is working afternoons I wake up thinking, "what can I eat while he is gone?" is this not horrible? I know I am not the only one who does this. It is because there is so much guilt and shame that goes along with it that I want to do it alone and dispose of the evidence so no one else knows. Why do I let food control my thoughts? I do not know. I do not know why I have not decided that I AM WORTH IT, I am worth not eating badly and being lazy but I do not feel worth it yet. I do not know how to make food and these thoughts stop controlling me. But I am trying. And also does anyone else do this? If I am eating well throughout the day and then I eat one bad thing, like today I ate a chocolate bar and then when I was thinking about making a healthy dinner I thought "I already ruined the day by eating that chocolate, so why bother making a healthy dinner" such crazy head games I play with myself. I guess I am stuck thinking in the FAT state of mind.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Weigh in #1

Hello friends
Well as I have told you I recently started doing Weight Watchers at home but just on my own no meetings or weekly weigh ins but I have been using a spreadsheet to figure out points and such and have been keeping in contact with a fellow blogger as we try and lose weight. Today was my first official weigh in and here are the results:

Starting weight on Friday April 16: 194
Todays weight Friday April 23: 191.2
Difference: -2.8

I am pretty happy about this! I can taste the 180s, I was there before but I let life get in the way and I did not deal with my problems in a healthy way and just ate them away. I lost the weight this week by eating all my 26 points but with all healthy foods and having 3 servings of dairy, 8 of water and 6 of fruits/veggies everyday. I did not eat any of my activity points or my extra 35 for the week. But I vow to next week be in the 180's and never look back! Two things I plan on doing to enhance my weight loss are buy the Slim in 6 weight loss program and also sign up for weight watchers as in going to the meetings and maybe look into buying some new running shoes. I have wanted to do all 3 of these for awhile but I did not want to use my credit line to buy them. But I am starting to feel like they are all very good reasons to spend money. What do you guys think? I am still working hard to be 184 by May 15th which is my 25th birthday. This birthday is kind of hitting me hard, did anyone else find that 25 was a hard one?? If not what birthday was the hardest for you and why??

Monday, April 19, 2010

Day 1 of Getting my ASS (BIG ASS) in Gear

Hello all
Well today I have been eating really well and I went for my first walk/jog. I was very out of breath as I know I am out of shape but I still went so I was proud of myself for that. I did not love the experience as it was hard and I am out of shape however I will continue because I know it will only get better!! Thanks to everyone who gave me some tips on running and walking, I went to Wal-Mart and bought a pedometer (a breast cancer pedometer) and I was going to buy running pants but I think what I will do is when I lose my first ten pounds I will buy myself some new pants:)
So here are my stats for the day off my new pink snazzy pedometer
Steps: 1900
Distance: 1.5 km
Calories: 107

So not bad but not amazing, but I am still proud of myself!! It will only get better from here I am sure. Tomorrow I am going to do a wii workout, as I am going to do the run/walk 3 times a week and a wii workout 2 times a week. Here is what I have eaten so far, I am doing Weigh Watchers so I will include points values too! My starting points for the day is 26,

bagel 5
peanut butter 2
apple juice 2

slim fast 5

yogurt 2
dried fruit bar 2

I got 2 points given to me for exercising so I have 10 left for the day! I will be eating fish for dinner mm, which is only 5 points and a few french fries for 3 points all made here at home so I know what is in them!

I hope to see a loss on the scale this week and I promise to blog when I am feeling down because that will probably stop me from buying many large bags of Doritos and eating them in minutes!

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Meet The Enemy

This my friends, is the enemy. I have been feeling so bad about myself lately that I have just been stuffing my face with Doritos and laying around. Isn't it silly that we get into these cycles that we feel bad about ourselves for being overweight so we eat more and just gain more weight? Something is twisted about that, and I need to find a way to change this. I want to start running but I never have. I am in such bad shape that I feel like I would run for 5 seconds and be out of breath. Does anyone have any running tips for me? I am a total newbie and I have no clue what to do. I just always feel like I cannot do something, I have had this mentality for so long with everything I do. I am surprised I am actually going to teachers college part of me thinks I will not be good at it, I just quit things or do not start them because I feel like I will fail. Ugh I do not know, but I want to try this time! I want to face my fear of failure. So tomorrow I run (well probably walk), but any running advice or tips would be great! Hope everyone is having a great weekend!

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Yes, I Have Been Hiding

Hello friends,
No I am not dead, but I have been hiding from the world and from all my bloggie buddies. Why? Because I have been doing horribly in my weight loss journey. I feel ashamed and crappy about myself UGH. However I am doing something about it. My friend Allison over at has really been a great help to me and is really encouraging me to get back on track. I have set a new goal of losing 10 pounds by my 25th birthday which is on May 15th. So I am hoping for 184 by then. I have been doing so poorly lately, too many life things getting in the way. K got his eye surgery and so I have been looking after him being what he calls "the drop nazi" because he needs about 50 drops a day and I put them in for him. So I really have not been concentrating on working out or eating well. But I WILL accomplish my goal, I WILL! But it is very exciting that now K can see, although he is walking around inside in the dark with his sunglasses on, I think he might be milking it for all it is worth, but is that not what men do?

I also somehow got a bladder infection (sorry for the TMI) but you girls know what I mean, these are horribly uncomfortable and it is hard to try exercising and such when you feel like you have to pee every 5 seconds even though you do not UGH, hate them.

I do not really have much to say even though I have been away for awhile just because I really have not been doing anything. I really do want to be 184 by my birthday and I will, thanks everyone for encouraging me and feel free to send any advice or encouragement my way :)

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Decision Time, In Pictures!

I have made my decision, I am officially going to Queens University in the fall. Here are some beautiful pictures of where I will be living (just the campus) it is so gorgeous there! In one picture you will see a jail, it is the Kingston Prison for Women which I can throw a rock at from where I will be living, creepy...and the mens prison the Kingston Penitentiary where the worst criminals in Canada live can also be seen from my future window! I hope none of them escape!

This is the residence I will hopefully be living in.

Prison for Women! At first I thought it was the mens prison and I saw no wall or anything and I was like "HELL NO AM I LIVING HERE! THEY COULD LOOK RIGHT AT ME OUT THEIR WINDOW!" But then I found out the mens one was down the street and it looked like Shawshank, no one is getting out of there lol.

Fallen Off the Wagon Face First

Hello all
Sorry for my absence it has been a crazy week here for me. As you can see in my title I have pretty much face planted off the weight loss wagon, UGH. So many things have been happening so I will do my best not to write a huge novel of a post and just touch on what has been going on.

So first of all weight loss...well more like weight gain. Many contributers to my weight gain this week. First it was K's birthday last weekend so the place we went for lunch and dinner that day had literally not one healthy choice unless I just did not eat and that was not an option. So on his birthday and the day after which was Easter I did not eat well. So i gained about a pound or two not bad I thought I can get back on track but then we decided to do a last minute road trip to see the 2 schools that I got into because I had to make my choice by... TODAY! So we went to Kingston which is about a 4 hour drive and then Ottawa which is a 7 hour drive from here. We got up at 4am and drove all day and stopped to see the 2 schools. Needless to say road trip eating is never good, just stopping at truck stops and such and eating horribly. We have not eaten a home cooked meal in a week, so I am definitely making dinner tonight. Don't you just feel horrible after eating out so much? We ate out for probably 6 or 7 nights in a row so I just feel so gross. I am right back to where I started, sad :(

The stress of choosing a school was getting to me so badly, my parents wanted me to choose Ottawa because my uncle lives there but when we went I really did not like it there. I am a small town girl and even living in the city I live in now I find I have a hard time I could not imagine moving to a city of 900 000 people. I just did not like it, the city is pretty but its just too busy and crazy for me and the campus is right in the middle of it all. But I felt the guilt of having to choose there, I eat my feelings in case you did not know, so I was eating all the stress and guilt just sitting in my bedroom all day thinking and eating. Sometimes I wish my parents could just be proud of me and want me to go to the best school but ALL they care about is me saving money, I made my choice of schools for undergrad based on what my mom wanted me to do, and I seem to always make choices based on what other people want and not what I want. I need to change this. This probably contributed a lot to my weight gain. So I solemnly swear to get back on track and start losing again I really want to, I do not want to be like this, I feel horrible about myself, I feel fat and very ugly, not a good feeling :( I really want to join Curves or Weight Watchers but I have no money at all and when I start my job it will only pay for my rent so that will not be happening so I hope you fellow bloggies out there can help me! I participated in the Ugly Cupcake Challenge this week and it was to lose 5 pounds, needless to say I GAINED. But I hope to do better next week. Congrats to those who did lose though, thats awesome :)

Knowing that I am officially moving hours and hours away from my boyfriend and my cats is starting to hit me hard, I know when the date gets closer I am not going to want to go I am sad just thinking about it. He is my best friend we have been together almost every day since we started dating, and I am super close with my kitties, I think Frank my cat will go on a hunger strike. When I even leave just for one day he disappears and pouts and does not eat. Ugh I hope I make friends while I am gone because I will be for the first time hours away from everyone I know. It will be hard.

In Biggest Loser news, who is happy the red biatch got what she deserved? ME!!!!!!!!! Good riddance you game play biatch you deserve to go home!

Well this is getting long so I really truly hope to get back on track, if I go away to school at this weight I know for a fact I will come back even bigger so I need to work on this before I go and get some good habits and routine going. AHH I AM SCARED!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

I Think My Scale is seriously

I do not know what is up. I know for a fact I have gained weight and am not trying to deny it, but I stepped on the scale this morning and it said 193, and then about 5 minutes later it said 196 and I did not even eat anything so I have no clue what is up. I think I might need a new one?
So I know I have gained but I have no clue how much!
I apologize to all the Ugly Cupcakes out there since I know for a fact I will not be losing anything this week and only gaining, so good luck with all of you competing in the challenge this week :)

Monday, April 5, 2010


Hello friends
Yes I have been MIA (missing in action) for a few days, pretty much avoiding admitting that I have not done well the past few days. Needless to say I have almost gained back everything that I lost in the past couple weeks since I started this weight loss journey. I was so stressed last week about the job and school thing that I ate horribly and was not working out, and then this past weekend was K's birthday so where we went for lunch and dinner were horribly unhealthy and had no healthy options available. I know sometimes this is what happens, we have family things at restaurants that have no good options, and at first I felt okay with this, but now I am feeling bad about it after weighing in this morning and realizing I have gained almost everything back.

I am feeling bad about myself.

I joined the Ugly Cupcake society and our first challenge was to lose 5 pounds this week and I have gained. I will continue with the challenge however it is a definite that I will not lose 5 or even 2.

It is so hot in here, our landlords have not given us screens so I cannot even open the window. UGH

I have to decide between Queens University and the University of Ottawa by this Saturday. I do not know what to do. I want to go to Queens but it will cost about 5000 more, but I feel it would be worth it if that is where I want to be, but I just do not know what to do.

I hate feeling this way about myself.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

April Fools!

Happy April Fools everyone,
Did anyone play any jokes today? Normally I always do but I did not this year, I am losing my pranking touch I guess, well needless to say my mind has been elsewhere! SO....I GOT INTO TEACHERS COLLEGE IN ONTARIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is huge, I do not know how many of my followers are from Ontario but it is extremely hard to get in here, my sister who had a 88% university average did not get in as well as many other people I know who had to end up paying 25 000$ to go in the US. So I was shocked that I got in. I applied to 3 schools, and I got into 2 and then got on the wait list for the 3rd. Now here is where it becomes hard. The one that I got on the wait list is the city I am in right now, which means I will for sure be moving at least 5 hours from here. This is because I have to make a decision on where I will go by April 10th which is SO SOON. So if I were to only accept the wait list offer at the school in my city I would be taking a huge risk of not even getting in. So my choice is between Queens University which has been coined "Ontario's Harvard" just has some prestige to it I guess or the University of Ottawa which is our nations capital. So they are both great schools and I have a huge decision to make, and it is hard because I have been to neither city so I have to make a blind decision. The one thing is, is that I always regretted not going to Queens for my undergrad, it is so hard to get in there and I did yet I did not go for stupid reasons I went to the university in my hometown. So how often do we get to fulfill a regret? Not often. So I will keep everyone updated as to where I choose!

I was telling K I hope that me getting into school was not a crazy April Fools joke, I would cry! But when I found out I got in no one was here so I just started crying, nothing has gone my way in soooo long I was just wanting to give up on everything especially myself and my future. I called my parents and they were screaming and whistling and so happy for me so that made me feel good. I will have to take on more debt but it will be worth it in the end! The one thing is that K and I have not been apart at all since we started dating and now we will be 5 or 7 hours apart and will not see each other very often, probably only at holidays, and I am very close with my one cat too :( So it has not hit me that I will not see them everyday, but when it does I know I will be sad. But it will be a brand new experience in a new city with new people, so we will see :S

In other news, I GOT A JOB TODAY TOO!! I swear April Fools Day must be good luck for me! It is just a grocery store job but I do not care it is only for 4 months until I move and it will pay my bills!! So needless to say good things have been happening :)

In weight news, well I ate horrible yesterday and today (UGH) normally I would just say I screwed up and throw in the towel but tomorrow is a new day and I will lose what I gained back and keep on losing. I want to be in the 170s by my 25th birthday in May so I have a lot of work to do. The first Ugly Cupcake Society challenge starts tomorrow and I am so happy for that because it will keep me motivated. This weekend will be hard because it is K's birthday and we are going out for pizza and wings but it is something we have maybe once every few months so I will just accept it and move on. I have NOT been working out this week at all, I am losing motivation I hope all this good news helps me get back into it because I do not want to be this way anymore especially when starting on a new adventure in September I want to be my best self!!

Hope everyone has a great long weekend and a great Easter, and good luck to all you ugly cupcakes out there, let's really kick some butt this week :)