Good day all,
It has been awhile since I have blogged. I had to finish the cross stitch for K's mom which I gave her last night for her birthday. It took me 6 months and I worked so hard on it and it turned out great seeing as though it was only my second one ever. Her reaction was not quite what I expected but I am sure she liked it, I hope she did anyways!! So we went for dinner at a pub so clearly nothing healthy on the menu so I got one piece of fish and about 10 french fries, the portions were so skimpy but I was glad about it too because then I did not eat more!
I also went home to my home town for 3 days and it was great. I miss it sooo much there. It took me moving hours away to a big city to realize how much I miss it there and want to live there more than anything. Only 4 more months here, and then 8 months at school and then I plan to move back to my home town or at least the surrounding area. I just miss being there in the small town and having everyone know each other and being close to my family and such so I had a mini break down while I was there. Just sad and missing it there a lot, and I just hate my job here and ugh I do not know swimming in debt and just breaking down about all of the above. But anyways, I guess I will be back there in exactly 1 year, hope it goes fast. I just hope to have a great experience while at school, it is weird going back to living in residence and being a student I mean I have not lived in residence or started a new school since 2004 so this will be interesting. Just hope I do not miss my family and K too much as I will ONLY be home at Christmas and that is it :(
In relation to my weight loss I need a new scale. I decided to go cold turkey on chips and candy and such bad things because I know if I have them in my house I will not eat them in moderation so I decided cold turkey for now would be the best idea. On Monday before my weight watchers meeting I weighed myself and it said that I had gained 3 pounds since my last weigh in, I was so upset I did not want to weigh in, I was going to skip my meeting but I sucked it up and went. They told me I was 193 therefore I LOST .8 I mean it is not a huge loss but I will take it considering I thought I gained 3 pounds and I know what I can improve on for this week. So when I was at home I weighed myself and was 190.8 (awesome) then today my scale has given me about 10 different weights, I am going on my way home from work tonight to Wal Mart to buy a new one, I cannot handle this one anymore it discourages me too much by lying to me and I hate not knowing where I stand! So a new one it is!
So did I tell you guys how much I HATE MY JOB?? ugh, I do not even know where to start seriously, it is horrible. I have always worked at grocery stores this is my 11th year doing it, so first of all I am just ready to not be doing it anymore. But I really really hate this one, it is insanely busy. I mean I am used to working in a busy place but this is ridiculous I mean 10 people in my line at all times. And they make us bag the groceries and put them in their cart and basically do everything (for minimum wage) ofcourse. I am sweating my ass off at work which is gross and great treated HORRIBLY by the customers and also co workers. No one talks to each other I am used to talking to my customers and knowing them and now no one talks to me it is horrible. I hate being treated like crap for minimum wage, UGGGGH. I just hate it. I am debating applying to one of the other grocery stores here which is a lot easier and people talk to each other. I mean even the woman who trained me told me it is the "coldest" store she has ever been at and I am not down with that. I just do not know what to do, do I stick it out for 3 months? Or do I apply to the other store. Ugh I hate being miserable and hating having to go there all the time. What do you think I should do?
PS Biggest Loser makeover week, LOVE IT!
Showing posts with label The Biggest Loser. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Biggest Loser. Show all posts
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Crazy Head Games, Thinking in the FAT State of Mind
Well hello all
Hope everyone had a great weekend. Mine was alright, I got to go to my hometown and visit my family which was nice and had a good dinner out with my parents so I was happy about that. I also have not posted since Biggest Loser and it was a tear jerker, I love O Neal and Sunshine! And does anyone watch Survivor?? SUCH a good episode last week, I love Parvati I do not care how many people hate her but she is awesome and extremely smart!
Yesterday I ran a ton of errands and spent a little bit of money. My credit line is for school however there were some things I wanted and needed and have been putting off buying them. I feel so guilty when I buy things for myself and use my credit line so I never do. But these were things that will help along my weight loss journey so I am trying to not feel bad about this but I am having a hard time with it. This is what I did yesterday and bought. I went to Weight Watchers and signed up for 3 months, I feel I need the meetings and was happy I went, and the leader seems great. So I went there and spent money on that and then bought some weight watchers smoothies and snacks as well. I then went to No Frills and bought some yogurt, bananas and strawberries and then went and bought some new running shoes. The shoes I have hurt me the last time I walked and I knew that if I did not buy new ones I would not continue to work out. You will also notice that my weight now says 193.8 this is because when I weigh in at weight watchers I am fully clothed so I am just going to go by that weight. I do not think i will be 184 by my birthday so I am going to make my new goal OUT of the 190s by my 25th birthday.
So I bought Nike Max Fierce shoes, they are super nice and I love them but ofcourse they cost money too!! I wanted the Reebok Easy Tone but apparently they are strictly for walking but I would love to get a pair for work so that my feet do not kill when I get home (I stand all day). Does anyone have these shoes?? Do you like them??
I then bought the Slim in 6 workout system so I hope that works for me!! Does anyone out there who is trying to lose weight take supplements? I do not really want to other than maybe a multi vitamin but I was wondering if anyone takes them and which kind they take? I then went and bought 2 new cross stitch kits. I am finishing up one for K's mom and its taken me forever so I am looking forward to finishing it and starting a new one. The next one will be for my sister as a housewarming gift and then I bought one to make for me because I make them and give them away and this time I want one for me since I put so much work into them! I will post a picture of it when it is done!! So that is what I spent money on and as much as I am trying not to feel guilty I DO!!
So here is where the crazy head games come in. I sign up for weight watchers, I buy healthy food, I have the resources to work out... but I DON'T! I let food control me! I secretly eat, when I know my boyfriend is working afternoons I wake up thinking, "what can I eat while he is gone?" is this not horrible? I know I am not the only one who does this. It is because there is so much guilt and shame that goes along with it that I want to do it alone and dispose of the evidence so no one else knows. Why do I let food control my thoughts? I do not know. I do not know why I have not decided that I AM WORTH IT, I am worth not eating badly and being lazy but I do not feel worth it yet. I do not know how to make food and these thoughts stop controlling me. But I am trying. And also does anyone else do this? If I am eating well throughout the day and then I eat one bad thing, like today I ate a chocolate bar and then when I was thinking about making a healthy dinner I thought "I already ruined the day by eating that chocolate, so why bother making a healthy dinner" such crazy head games I play with myself. I guess I am stuck thinking in the FAT state of mind.
SIGH
Hope everyone had a great weekend. Mine was alright, I got to go to my hometown and visit my family which was nice and had a good dinner out with my parents so I was happy about that. I also have not posted since Biggest Loser and it was a tear jerker, I love O Neal and Sunshine! And does anyone watch Survivor?? SUCH a good episode last week, I love Parvati I do not care how many people hate her but she is awesome and extremely smart!
Yesterday I ran a ton of errands and spent a little bit of money. My credit line is for school however there were some things I wanted and needed and have been putting off buying them. I feel so guilty when I buy things for myself and use my credit line so I never do. But these were things that will help along my weight loss journey so I am trying to not feel bad about this but I am having a hard time with it. This is what I did yesterday and bought. I went to Weight Watchers and signed up for 3 months, I feel I need the meetings and was happy I went, and the leader seems great. So I went there and spent money on that and then bought some weight watchers smoothies and snacks as well. I then went to No Frills and bought some yogurt, bananas and strawberries and then went and bought some new running shoes. The shoes I have hurt me the last time I walked and I knew that if I did not buy new ones I would not continue to work out. You will also notice that my weight now says 193.8 this is because when I weigh in at weight watchers I am fully clothed so I am just going to go by that weight. I do not think i will be 184 by my birthday so I am going to make my new goal OUT of the 190s by my 25th birthday.
So I bought Nike Max Fierce shoes, they are super nice and I love them but ofcourse they cost money too!! I wanted the Reebok Easy Tone but apparently they are strictly for walking but I would love to get a pair for work so that my feet do not kill when I get home (I stand all day). Does anyone have these shoes?? Do you like them??
I then bought the Slim in 6 workout system so I hope that works for me!! Does anyone out there who is trying to lose weight take supplements? I do not really want to other than maybe a multi vitamin but I was wondering if anyone takes them and which kind they take? I then went and bought 2 new cross stitch kits. I am finishing up one for K's mom and its taken me forever so I am looking forward to finishing it and starting a new one. The next one will be for my sister as a housewarming gift and then I bought one to make for me because I make them and give them away and this time I want one for me since I put so much work into them! I will post a picture of it when it is done!! So that is what I spent money on and as much as I am trying not to feel guilty I DO!!
So here is where the crazy head games come in. I sign up for weight watchers, I buy healthy food, I have the resources to work out... but I DON'T! I let food control me! I secretly eat, when I know my boyfriend is working afternoons I wake up thinking, "what can I eat while he is gone?" is this not horrible? I know I am not the only one who does this. It is because there is so much guilt and shame that goes along with it that I want to do it alone and dispose of the evidence so no one else knows. Why do I let food control my thoughts? I do not know. I do not know why I have not decided that I AM WORTH IT, I am worth not eating badly and being lazy but I do not feel worth it yet. I do not know how to make food and these thoughts stop controlling me. But I am trying. And also does anyone else do this? If I am eating well throughout the day and then I eat one bad thing, like today I ate a chocolate bar and then when I was thinking about making a healthy dinner I thought "I already ruined the day by eating that chocolate, so why bother making a healthy dinner" such crazy head games I play with myself. I guess I am stuck thinking in the FAT state of mind.
SIGH
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
The Anticipation Is KILLING ME!!!
Good morning all,
So yes, the anticipation is killing me of where I will be in September. I have applied to teachers college in 3 different cities, one being the city I live in right now and the other two are about 9 and 7 hours away which would be a huge change. K and I have probably been apart a week total in the entire time we have been together, and since we both moved to this new city we really only have each other, so being apart for a year would be very hard, but ofcourse it would be worth it for me to have a career in the end of it. I also applied to college in this city in case I do not get into teachers college as it is extremely hard to get in to teachers college in Ontario so I needed a back up plan! I got into college so at least I know I will be going to school in the fall, but tonight I find out if I will be moving far away and going to teachers college, I want this day to go by as fast as possible yet ofcourse I woke up at 8:30am and now have to sit around all day and wait it out. So I plan on doing a lot of cross stitching, working out and reading just trying to make the day go by! K was supposed to work midnights tonight but now he only works until 6pm so at least he will be here when I find out if I got rejected or not. I guess I just want to know the most because I do not like not knowing where I will be in a few months, we are trying to plan for the future and currently cannot and there will be a lot to do if I am moving that far away!!
Yesterday K and I ran a million errands which actually was fun we always have fun even if we are just grocery shopping. I convinced him that we need a Costco membership (I LOVE COSTCO) and I think he discovered a love for it too! We went to dinner and then went to see Alice in Wonderland in 3D, I thought it was pretty good but I think the 3D glasses were giving K a headache, we were going to see another movie but decided to come home instead he was tired and had to get up early this morning. So I got to see the end of The Biggest Loser...I have one question...WHY IS THE RED BIATCH BACK????????????????????????????? What happened?? I cannot stand her, ofcourse she would be back UGH UGH UGH watch her win the whole show, I get nauseous just thinking about it. I love Stephanie, I think people got the wrong impression of her she never seemed like a game player to me! I think they were just threatened by her.
Today I am supposed to find out if I got the grocery store job, I really hope I did. If I did I do not think I will proceed with the Old Navy interviews because I do not think starting 2 jobs at the exact same time would work out with training and such, and Old Navy said they are not hiring seasonals I think I would feel guilty leading them on knowing I would quit in August. So there are some other part time jobs I think I will apply for. I really hope I get the grocery job though, I mean I do not want it as my career but I have done it for 11 years and I like it. So wish me luck!
As for weight loss, I have been doing well with my eating, I am stuck at 189 right now, I need to drink more water and eat more during the day. What I do eat is good but I need more and to eat more things that are less points (if anyone is doing Weight Watchers you will know what I am talking about). I cannot afford to do the meetings right now but I have all the books and the journal and points counter so I am doing it on my own. I am happy to be out of the 190s but I want to be into the mid 180s and then up and out of there! My 25th birthday is in 6 weeks and I so desperately want to be in the 170s by then, even if just 179! So lets hope I can do it!
I have recently taken up a project of trying to read the 100 best books of all time according to a Canadian poll. I have read so far To Kill a Mockingbird and The Da Vinci Code and am currently almost done Little Women, so I am choosing my next book soon. The Harry Potter books are on there, so maybe I will try to get into them next. I just do not think I will like them but everyone tells me I will. The Bible is on the list, which will take me a long time to read but I have always wanted to try reading it!
Well this is getting long, have a good Wednesday:)
PS I want Easter chocolate! My mom says we are too old for Easter baskets, but I requested one creme egg, I hope I get it!
So yes, the anticipation is killing me of where I will be in September. I have applied to teachers college in 3 different cities, one being the city I live in right now and the other two are about 9 and 7 hours away which would be a huge change. K and I have probably been apart a week total in the entire time we have been together, and since we both moved to this new city we really only have each other, so being apart for a year would be very hard, but ofcourse it would be worth it for me to have a career in the end of it. I also applied to college in this city in case I do not get into teachers college as it is extremely hard to get in to teachers college in Ontario so I needed a back up plan! I got into college so at least I know I will be going to school in the fall, but tonight I find out if I will be moving far away and going to teachers college, I want this day to go by as fast as possible yet ofcourse I woke up at 8:30am and now have to sit around all day and wait it out. So I plan on doing a lot of cross stitching, working out and reading just trying to make the day go by! K was supposed to work midnights tonight but now he only works until 6pm so at least he will be here when I find out if I got rejected or not. I guess I just want to know the most because I do not like not knowing where I will be in a few months, we are trying to plan for the future and currently cannot and there will be a lot to do if I am moving that far away!!
Yesterday K and I ran a million errands which actually was fun we always have fun even if we are just grocery shopping. I convinced him that we need a Costco membership (I LOVE COSTCO) and I think he discovered a love for it too! We went to dinner and then went to see Alice in Wonderland in 3D, I thought it was pretty good but I think the 3D glasses were giving K a headache, we were going to see another movie but decided to come home instead he was tired and had to get up early this morning. So I got to see the end of The Biggest Loser...I have one question...WHY IS THE RED BIATCH BACK????????????????????????????? What happened?? I cannot stand her, ofcourse she would be back UGH UGH UGH watch her win the whole show, I get nauseous just thinking about it. I love Stephanie, I think people got the wrong impression of her she never seemed like a game player to me! I think they were just threatened by her.
Today I am supposed to find out if I got the grocery store job, I really hope I did. If I did I do not think I will proceed with the Old Navy interviews because I do not think starting 2 jobs at the exact same time would work out with training and such, and Old Navy said they are not hiring seasonals I think I would feel guilty leading them on knowing I would quit in August. So there are some other part time jobs I think I will apply for. I really hope I get the grocery job though, I mean I do not want it as my career but I have done it for 11 years and I like it. So wish me luck!
As for weight loss, I have been doing well with my eating, I am stuck at 189 right now, I need to drink more water and eat more during the day. What I do eat is good but I need more and to eat more things that are less points (if anyone is doing Weight Watchers you will know what I am talking about). I cannot afford to do the meetings right now but I have all the books and the journal and points counter so I am doing it on my own. I am happy to be out of the 190s but I want to be into the mid 180s and then up and out of there! My 25th birthday is in 6 weeks and I so desperately want to be in the 170s by then, even if just 179! So lets hope I can do it!
I have recently taken up a project of trying to read the 100 best books of all time according to a Canadian poll. I have read so far To Kill a Mockingbird and The Da Vinci Code and am currently almost done Little Women, so I am choosing my next book soon. The Harry Potter books are on there, so maybe I will try to get into them next. I just do not think I will like them but everyone tells me I will. The Bible is on the list, which will take me a long time to read but I have always wanted to try reading it!
Well this is getting long, have a good Wednesday:)
PS I want Easter chocolate! My mom says we are too old for Easter baskets, but I requested one creme egg, I hope I get it!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
I Did Not Binge!
Hello Peeps (it is almost Easter, get it...Peeps? lol)
So I hope everyone had a good Sunday and Monday. After I wrote my blog asking people to stop me from eating chips I finally left the apartment. I was trying to talk myself out of it because I knew if I left the house my car would take me right to a convenience store for some chips. So I finally decided to brave the outdoors, if there are any other secret eaters out there you know how hard this is! So I went to Giant Tiger for some computer paper, then went for a tan, then to Subway for dinner. I went to one I had never been to before and it was in a sketchy area, it looked like a drug deal was going on out in front and it was shady, I was scared yet hungry so I went in anyways and it was fine, just happy my car was still there when I came out. Now here is where it became difficult, on either side of the Subway there was a convenience store!! I just stood in the parking lot and stared at them thinking how much I wanted to go in, and just get a little bag, but you know what? I resisted!!
I came home and started immediately cross stitching to take my mind off of wanting chips because I was still considering going to the store. So I stitched for hours upon hours, made a bag of 100 calorie Smart Pop, watched some America's Next Top Model and called it a day! Binge resistance complete, I think this is the first time in my whole life that when I was alone I did not just eat every bad thing I could find so one small step for fat people everywhere but one giant leap for me :)
So yesterday I had my interviews. They both went well, I have a second one at Old Navy on Thursday unfortunately it is for the position I did not really want but hey I need a job right? I am pretty sure I will get both jobs so I do not know if that will work, ofcourse I want to work full time hours but starting 2 at once might not work because there will be so many training hours and they will probably conflict with each other. So I will take the first one offered to me and then do my best about the second one of I get it! Today K and I are running about 8 errands so we will be gone all day, then we are going for dinner (somewhere healthy, no Pizza Hut lol) and then we are going to see 2 movies, it is cheap night. I have never seen 2 movies in one night, I think it will be fun. We are going to see Alice in Wonderland in 3D and Hot Tub Time Machine, it looks funny. I am excited. We got in a fight last night so I am glad we are still going, we usually work it out pretty quickly.
Tomorrow at midnight is when I find out about teachers college, I hope at least someone is around so I can celebrate/cry to them about getting in or not!! I am nervous!!!
Happy Tuesday do not forget to watch Biggest Loser tonight, even though I cannot but I will watch it on demand:)
Go Daris (LOVE HIM)
So I hope everyone had a good Sunday and Monday. After I wrote my blog asking people to stop me from eating chips I finally left the apartment. I was trying to talk myself out of it because I knew if I left the house my car would take me right to a convenience store for some chips. So I finally decided to brave the outdoors, if there are any other secret eaters out there you know how hard this is! So I went to Giant Tiger for some computer paper, then went for a tan, then to Subway for dinner. I went to one I had never been to before and it was in a sketchy area, it looked like a drug deal was going on out in front and it was shady, I was scared yet hungry so I went in anyways and it was fine, just happy my car was still there when I came out. Now here is where it became difficult, on either side of the Subway there was a convenience store!! I just stood in the parking lot and stared at them thinking how much I wanted to go in, and just get a little bag, but you know what? I resisted!!
I came home and started immediately cross stitching to take my mind off of wanting chips because I was still considering going to the store. So I stitched for hours upon hours, made a bag of 100 calorie Smart Pop, watched some America's Next Top Model and called it a day! Binge resistance complete, I think this is the first time in my whole life that when I was alone I did not just eat every bad thing I could find so one small step for fat people everywhere but one giant leap for me :)
So yesterday I had my interviews. They both went well, I have a second one at Old Navy on Thursday unfortunately it is for the position I did not really want but hey I need a job right? I am pretty sure I will get both jobs so I do not know if that will work, ofcourse I want to work full time hours but starting 2 at once might not work because there will be so many training hours and they will probably conflict with each other. So I will take the first one offered to me and then do my best about the second one of I get it! Today K and I are running about 8 errands so we will be gone all day, then we are going for dinner (somewhere healthy, no Pizza Hut lol) and then we are going to see 2 movies, it is cheap night. I have never seen 2 movies in one night, I think it will be fun. We are going to see Alice in Wonderland in 3D and Hot Tub Time Machine, it looks funny. I am excited. We got in a fight last night so I am glad we are still going, we usually work it out pretty quickly.
Tomorrow at midnight is when I find out about teachers college, I hope at least someone is around so I can celebrate/cry to them about getting in or not!! I am nervous!!!
Happy Tuesday do not forget to watch Biggest Loser tonight, even though I cannot but I will watch it on demand:)
Go Daris (LOVE HIM)
Friday, March 26, 2010
First 5 Pounds GONE!
Hello friends,
Happy Friday! Unfortunately I am still not working nor have any friends here so Friday is really just any other day for me, but I know lots of you guys must love Fridays since it means the weekend!! Our life is kind of the opposite, K works all weekend and is usually off during the week, so I am alone on weekends with my kitties ofcourse. My sister is coming tonight though so I am definitely looking forward to that since she has never been to visit me yet in my new city. We have been here for 5 months and she has not been here or seen our apartment yet so I am looking forward to it, we will go to dinner and rent a movie I think. Tomorrow she wants to go to the mall to go to Lu Lu Lemon which is her favourite store, I clearly have no money so I will tag along and wish I did have some.
I have not heard from the job yet, I am so nervous seriously this is my only job opportunity so far. The only thing I am worried about is that it goes right until Labour Day and I am going away for a week in August. K said I would be stupid to turn it down because of that so I should take it and then tell them about it later and hope it works out. I mean if I cannot use them for a reference oh well, I am only there for a few months if I even get the job since it is just for the summer. I just want a job ahhh is this so much to ask? I just need a job for 5 months!! Then it is time for school. I find out April 1st if I got into teachers college, I hate not knowing where I will be in September I could be potentially moving 8 hours away so I just need to know! Good thing April 1st is coming up soon! I do not love this city I would love to move back to where I am from and where my friends and family are but I will either be here for another year and a half or be in a brand new city, so I will not be moving home for a long time :(
As for weight loss, I lost my first 5 pounds! Sounds like nothing but this is the most I have ever lost. I have always tried for a few days maybe lost a pound, then gain it back then lose it again. But this time I have really done it. One full week of tracking my food and counting my Weight Watchers points and working out and I have lost my first 5 pounds. I am exactly 190 pounds right now, so close to being in the 180's which I have not seen in a LONG TIME. I am glad that every day I am down in weight even if it is just .2 or so, I will take it. I am very proud of myself and cannot wait to keep it up. Next week I pledge to work out more and drink more water! Last night since I had been doing so well I decided to eat a half of a mini bag of chips, as soon as I was done eating them I felt horrible. I had terrible chest pains and my leg arms was so tingly and I could not feel my hand. I know that this was not because of the chips but I almost felt like it was a sign, that if I keep this up and I keep being 50 pounds overweight that a heart attack could be in my future and I do NOT want that. I pledge to lose more weight and be healthier and happier!
I finally watched The Biggest Loser for this week and it was amazing!! A definite tear jerker when they went home and everyone was so proud of them I cried for every single one of them and also when every one of them finished their bike marathon. So emotional!! Such a good episode, I still really do not like Melissa of the red team who we saw again in this episode. I like her husband Lance but when he is around her there is like a different side of him that comes out. Has anyone else noticed that? I like the people who are there to purely lose weight and be happy and healthy and who cheer on other people even when they have been beaten by them in competitions and weigh ins. I was so happy the black team triumphed because the blue team is cocky! Although my love for Daris is growing at a rapid pace, I LOVE HIM!!!
Anyways happy Friday everyone and I hope everyone has a great weekend!
Happy Friday! Unfortunately I am still not working nor have any friends here so Friday is really just any other day for me, but I know lots of you guys must love Fridays since it means the weekend!! Our life is kind of the opposite, K works all weekend and is usually off during the week, so I am alone on weekends with my kitties ofcourse. My sister is coming tonight though so I am definitely looking forward to that since she has never been to visit me yet in my new city. We have been here for 5 months and she has not been here or seen our apartment yet so I am looking forward to it, we will go to dinner and rent a movie I think. Tomorrow she wants to go to the mall to go to Lu Lu Lemon which is her favourite store, I clearly have no money so I will tag along and wish I did have some.
I have not heard from the job yet, I am so nervous seriously this is my only job opportunity so far. The only thing I am worried about is that it goes right until Labour Day and I am going away for a week in August. K said I would be stupid to turn it down because of that so I should take it and then tell them about it later and hope it works out. I mean if I cannot use them for a reference oh well, I am only there for a few months if I even get the job since it is just for the summer. I just want a job ahhh is this so much to ask? I just need a job for 5 months!! Then it is time for school. I find out April 1st if I got into teachers college, I hate not knowing where I will be in September I could be potentially moving 8 hours away so I just need to know! Good thing April 1st is coming up soon! I do not love this city I would love to move back to where I am from and where my friends and family are but I will either be here for another year and a half or be in a brand new city, so I will not be moving home for a long time :(
As for weight loss, I lost my first 5 pounds! Sounds like nothing but this is the most I have ever lost. I have always tried for a few days maybe lost a pound, then gain it back then lose it again. But this time I have really done it. One full week of tracking my food and counting my Weight Watchers points and working out and I have lost my first 5 pounds. I am exactly 190 pounds right now, so close to being in the 180's which I have not seen in a LONG TIME. I am glad that every day I am down in weight even if it is just .2 or so, I will take it. I am very proud of myself and cannot wait to keep it up. Next week I pledge to work out more and drink more water! Last night since I had been doing so well I decided to eat a half of a mini bag of chips, as soon as I was done eating them I felt horrible. I had terrible chest pains and my leg arms was so tingly and I could not feel my hand. I know that this was not because of the chips but I almost felt like it was a sign, that if I keep this up and I keep being 50 pounds overweight that a heart attack could be in my future and I do NOT want that. I pledge to lose more weight and be healthier and happier!
I finally watched The Biggest Loser for this week and it was amazing!! A definite tear jerker when they went home and everyone was so proud of them I cried for every single one of them and also when every one of them finished their bike marathon. So emotional!! Such a good episode, I still really do not like Melissa of the red team who we saw again in this episode. I like her husband Lance but when he is around her there is like a different side of him that comes out. Has anyone else noticed that? I like the people who are there to purely lose weight and be happy and healthy and who cheer on other people even when they have been beaten by them in competitions and weigh ins. I was so happy the black team triumphed because the blue team is cocky! Although my love for Daris is growing at a rapid pace, I LOVE HIM!!!
Anyways happy Friday everyone and I hope everyone has a great weekend!
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
So Close to The 180's!
Hello friends,
Well the last few days I have been pretty busy which is nice compared to sitting around while K is at work with my kitties. Yesterday K and I went to visit his grandma and her boyfriend for the day. It was a nice visit and they are great people, they live in a seniors condominium and I love seniors I think they are so cute. I saw some of them line dancing, some playing cards and some playing shuffle board, I wanted to move in but apparently I did not make the age requirement ha ha. So as soon as we got there his grandma says "where do you guys want to go for lunch, fish and chips or Arbys?". I was thinking "oh no, nothing at either of those places is good for me", so since we only see them a few times a year I was not going to say that I could not eat at those places so we chose fish and chips since fish is a tad healthier. So I got 1 piece of haddock lightly breaded (although it definitely had some grease on it) and I only ate about 10 small french fries and a diet coke. So I felt bad about it yet not terrible, I did my best in the situation I was put in. So for dinner I had a chicken breast and half a bun and some water. So my dinner was a lot better and I did not feel so bad anymore.
We played some euchre and had a nice visit and it is K's birthday next week so they had birthday cake and I did not have any! So this morning I was down .2 I will take it!!
Today I finally had my job interview! I think it went pretty well, I will be finding out this week and then if I get the job it starts the 3rd week of April which means I would have to borrow money for rent one more time from my parents. But my dad told me the other day that right now we can call it even and that I do not owe him the 1000 h lent me which made me very happy! So if I only owe him 500, I can handle that. So lets hope I get this job. Then K and I went for breakfast and I only had eggs and toast instead of the usual (bacon, eggs, toast and potatoes), so cutting the bacon and home fries made me feel good. Then we ran some more errands and we had Subway for dinner, MMM, my new obsession. I never ate a sandwich until I was about 23 and I had the second one ever the other night (I know it is weird) but my mom just never made them for us! So needless to say I am obsessed with Subway now! MMMMMM
We are not leaving this apartment the landlord was not having it, so as soon as our lease is up we are out of here! Just hope my landlords give us screens in our windows because it is hot up here and we cannot open them since our cats will jump to their deaths! Does anyone watch Americas Next Top Model?? I just cannot get over how anyone over a size 2 or 4 is considered a "plus size model", wow what would I be???????? No wonder young girls have such skewed body images! I missed Biggest Loser last night so I cannot wait to watch it on demand soon! LOVE that show :) So I have lost 4.2 pounds this past week just by cutting out bad food and working out (YAY), although I did not get to work out yesterday or today but I will tomorrow and the next!! So I am so close to the 180s WOOT CANNOT WAIT!
Have a great Wednesday all!
Well the last few days I have been pretty busy which is nice compared to sitting around while K is at work with my kitties. Yesterday K and I went to visit his grandma and her boyfriend for the day. It was a nice visit and they are great people, they live in a seniors condominium and I love seniors I think they are so cute. I saw some of them line dancing, some playing cards and some playing shuffle board, I wanted to move in but apparently I did not make the age requirement ha ha. So as soon as we got there his grandma says "where do you guys want to go for lunch, fish and chips or Arbys?". I was thinking "oh no, nothing at either of those places is good for me", so since we only see them a few times a year I was not going to say that I could not eat at those places so we chose fish and chips since fish is a tad healthier. So I got 1 piece of haddock lightly breaded (although it definitely had some grease on it) and I only ate about 10 small french fries and a diet coke. So I felt bad about it yet not terrible, I did my best in the situation I was put in. So for dinner I had a chicken breast and half a bun and some water. So my dinner was a lot better and I did not feel so bad anymore.
We played some euchre and had a nice visit and it is K's birthday next week so they had birthday cake and I did not have any! So this morning I was down .2 I will take it!!
Today I finally had my job interview! I think it went pretty well, I will be finding out this week and then if I get the job it starts the 3rd week of April which means I would have to borrow money for rent one more time from my parents. But my dad told me the other day that right now we can call it even and that I do not owe him the 1000 h lent me which made me very happy! So if I only owe him 500, I can handle that. So lets hope I get this job. Then K and I went for breakfast and I only had eggs and toast instead of the usual (bacon, eggs, toast and potatoes), so cutting the bacon and home fries made me feel good. Then we ran some more errands and we had Subway for dinner, MMM, my new obsession. I never ate a sandwich until I was about 23 and I had the second one ever the other night (I know it is weird) but my mom just never made them for us! So needless to say I am obsessed with Subway now! MMMMMM
We are not leaving this apartment the landlord was not having it, so as soon as our lease is up we are out of here! Just hope my landlords give us screens in our windows because it is hot up here and we cannot open them since our cats will jump to their deaths! Does anyone watch Americas Next Top Model?? I just cannot get over how anyone over a size 2 or 4 is considered a "plus size model", wow what would I be???????? No wonder young girls have such skewed body images! I missed Biggest Loser last night so I cannot wait to watch it on demand soon! LOVE that show :) So I have lost 4.2 pounds this past week just by cutting out bad food and working out (YAY), although I did not get to work out yesterday or today but I will tomorrow and the next!! So I am so close to the 180s WOOT CANNOT WAIT!
Have a great Wednesday all!
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
I Am Cursed
Why can nothing go the way I want? Seriously I feel like I am cursed, my family has never had good luck and we always joke about the "W Curse" as we like to call it, my mom says I should change my last name, and I certainly am thinking about it. Ever since I moved here nothing absolutely nothing has gone my way despite my efforts. So today I had my job interview...well I was supposed to. The lady told me that it was downtown on Dundas Street in the same building as the library, Ok I know where that is, so I went there and started looking, and looking and could not find it so 9:15 rolls around which is the time of my interview so I ask a lady where this office is. She tells me there is ANOTHER building with a library in it on the same road but that it is far away from the one I was in. UGH. I started to cry, the one and only job interview I have had and I am desperate for money and I missed it. So I came home and called the girl and thankfully I have an interview on Friday morning, but still now I have made a bad impression, and it is not guaranteed I even get the job which makes me nervous thinking that if I do not get this one, well I do not know what I will do. I have already borrowed money from my parents and will have to again which I do not want to, and they are not fond of it either. UGH I could cry again right now just thinking about it.
The Biggest Loser last night was really good, in case you have not watched it yet I will not say who got voted off, but I have not cried in awhile watching it but I did last night, I really like the grey team of Koli and Sam it was emotional that Koli finally got into the 200s and that he has now lost over 100 pounds. And might I add that Sam is ripped?? He has an amazing body for someone who is still overweight. (mm) I still love Daris too HEART!
Also I really want out of this building, but it does not look like that is going to happen. Don't really want to get much into that because I am pretty upset over it. But yeah just needed to vent about my unlucky life.
The Biggest Loser last night was really good, in case you have not watched it yet I will not say who got voted off, but I have not cried in awhile watching it but I did last night, I really like the grey team of Koli and Sam it was emotional that Koli finally got into the 200s and that he has now lost over 100 pounds. And might I add that Sam is ripped?? He has an amazing body for someone who is still overweight. (mm) I still love Daris too HEART!
Also I really want out of this building, but it does not look like that is going to happen. Don't really want to get much into that because I am pretty upset over it. But yeah just needed to vent about my unlucky life.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Fat...Exposed!
Well today I went to a spa and had a whole spa treatment! My boyfriend (who we will from now on call K) bought me this package for my birthday last year and it is almost my birthday again so I needed to use it. So I got a massage and it hurt SO bad, I guess the place is more about massage therapy then a nice relaxing massage so it definitely hurt! Also it is not everyday that I lay there with no clothes on around a stranger so there they were, stretch marks, fat rolls and cellulite all out there for the massage therapist to see, so that was a tad awkward but it just gave me more motivation to get my ass in gear. I also had my first manicure and pedicure which were very nice unfortunately its still winter and will not be able to wear sandals to show it off but I will still know how pretty my feet look inside my shoes!
I am getting so excited for Disney and it is not even until August but it is definitely some great motivation to really get the weight loss going (I will definitely keep updating on that progress, and thanks to you guys I am getting a lot of ideas on how to do that!) So definitely keep your comments and advice coming I love them!
Job interview tomorrow, I am so nervous because I just need a job so badly and this one seems like a really good one for me, it is all I can think about...cross your fingers people!
Biggest Loser is on tonight CANNOT WAIT. I really like Daris of the original orange team and also Ashley and her mom of the pink team. Who do you guys like?
I am getting so excited for Disney and it is not even until August but it is definitely some great motivation to really get the weight loss going (I will definitely keep updating on that progress, and thanks to you guys I am getting a lot of ideas on how to do that!) So definitely keep your comments and advice coming I love them!
Job interview tomorrow, I am so nervous because I just need a job so badly and this one seems like a really good one for me, it is all I can think about...cross your fingers people!
Biggest Loser is on tonight CANNOT WAIT. I really like Daris of the original orange team and also Ashley and her mom of the pink team. Who do you guys like?
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Discouraged...
So my friends today was not the greatest day for me. I am not happy with myself today at all. I had a very bad night last night and I have let it effect me today. Last night my boyfriend and I got into such a big fight and I was so emotional and crying and upset which led me to not get up and go to the gym this morning, all I have eaten today is chips and some crescent rolls and I just feel horrible about it now. I love my boyfriend and he loves me and we have already worked things out which we always so, I am just upset with myself right now that I ate so badly today since I have been doing so well. This just shows that food really is a comfort for me, I was upset so I turned to bad food, the food I always turn to when I am heartbroken, sad, upset, frustrated, bored and depressed. Ugh. I just feel like I cannot do this. I am sitting here watching The Biggest Loser and seeing these peoples transformations I am just like wow I want that to be me but what am I doing? Sitting on the couch doing nothing about it. I can relate to what they are saying, about sitting on the couch being miserable, hating my appearance, not being happy with any part of my life which I am sure is a big factor of the fights I have been having with my boyfriend. It is sad because after I was assaulted I have dated cheaters and liars and jerks and been so attached to them but my boyfriend now is none of those things yet I am pushing him away. I mean of course he is not 100% innocent in our arguments that is for sure but I feel like my unhappiness is definitely contributing to them. I just have this mentality of "Why bother losing weight if everything else in my life sucks" but I have this mindset that is ridiculous and I bet if I lost the weight and committed to changing that I know everything else in my life will turn out so much better.
I am just sick of hiding from life, I am hiding here in my apartment not feeling worthy of even going out there and being with people. I see the workouts and challenges the people on the show are doing and I think " I cannot do that, I do not have Gillian or Bob screaming at me and telling me what to do therefore I cannot do it" excuses?? I just feel like I cannot do this...ugh...
In other news my kitty Estelle is getting fixed tomorrow but she has a serious heart problem which is very serious to have her put under for surgery. So I am very nervous about this and I will be devastated if something happens to her... so everyone just keep little Estelle in your thoughts :)
Kind of an un-motivational posting but I am feeling discouraged and upset and just like I am destined for this life...AM I?? Is this what is meant for me?
I am just sick of hiding from life, I am hiding here in my apartment not feeling worthy of even going out there and being with people. I see the workouts and challenges the people on the show are doing and I think " I cannot do that, I do not have Gillian or Bob screaming at me and telling me what to do therefore I cannot do it" excuses?? I just feel like I cannot do this...ugh...
In other news my kitty Estelle is getting fixed tomorrow but she has a serious heart problem which is very serious to have her put under for surgery. So I am very nervous about this and I will be devastated if something happens to her... so everyone just keep little Estelle in your thoughts :)
Kind of an un-motivational posting but I am feeling discouraged and upset and just like I am destined for this life...AM I?? Is this what is meant for me?
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Welcome All To My Journey
Hello all,
My name is Lauren and I am a 24 year old girl who is completely ready to change my life however I know this challenge is going to be long and very hard as I believe I have an addiction to food. Sometimes I wonder if other people feel this way, I wonder if I am the only one out there who feels truly addicted to food. I wonder if this is a crutch I use to justify the fact that I am overweight or if there is food addiction in actuality. Sometimes when I confide in people that I feel I have this addiction they look at me and say "oh yeah right" and proceed to laugh and poke fun at the statement I had just made. People think you have to be morbidly obese to have an addiction to food and just because I am not morbidly obese these people think I do not need help nor do I have a problem and this my friends has enabled me to continue to get bigger. Sometimes I feel absolutely crazy when I say out loud that I have an addiction to food and I believe that stopping these bad habits is like quitting smoking or drinking its hard and you sit there and constantly think about it until it makes you sick inside and you just have to go and get in your car and get to that convenience store or local pizza place to pick up your favourite junk. Mine is chips and pizza. Now I know that addictions come from somewhere and that we use our drug of choice (mine being food) to medicate feelings and emotions that we carry deep inside us and I myself am a definite example of this.
I use food whenever I am feeling lonely, sad, depressed, bored or restless. Food has this power of me that when i am sitting there eating a whole medium or large pizza to myself it feels good like I have company. Isn't it sad that I can say out loud that pizza keeps me company? Am I the only one who does this? But the hard part is after I have scoffed down that whole pizza I feel double as lonely and fat and bad about myself as I did before I ate it. It is such a short fix, a short lived high and it does not provide any sort of positive benefit in my life. When I was in high school I always enjoyed junk food but what teenager doesn't? However I was very active and a huge athlete back then and also was much happier until I hit a certain rough period which will be revealed in future blogs. Once this pivotal event happened in my life I held it in and felt so bad about myself and just started eating because that was the only thing I felt I could control. It's the same for people who are anorexic or bulimic it's just another type of eating disorder. When you are sitting in your room door closed, blinds closed eating chicken wings 5 nights a week and are hiding the garbage so your roomates don't see it...that is a problem my friends!
I started out university at 130 pounds and I now weigh 193 the most I have ever weighed in my entire life and I have never felt less pretty, sexy, self confident or happy. I have dealt with depression throughout my adult life however now I feel it has hit an all time high. I am not enjoying my life, I am not living my life and I vow to change that.
Why has it taken me so long? Why has it taken being overweight for so many years without me doing anything about it? Why have I not taken control of my own destiny? Why do I let myself get so brought down by other girls or friends that have turned their backs on me? Why do I make excuse after pathetic excuse as to why I have not done anything about this yet? I need to start loving myself again so that I will not be so effected by what others think of me and say about me to my face and behind my back. I need to take control of my life instead of watching it pass me by while I am sitting on the couch, blinds closed, eating horrible food wallowing in my own misery.
I have always been a huge fan of The Biggest Loser and of course I cry at every episode. I used to cry out of pure joy for these people who are dealing with so many emotions and obstacles and really going for it and taking control of their lives. But now I cry because I RELATE to them and I never thought this would happen. The latest episode when Rebecca (who looks fabulous) was voted off really got to me. The final 6 gave speeches to an audience about their struggle with weight loss and I found I could relate to so much of what they were saying. I was sitting on my couch bawling my eyes out saying "I'm that girl on the couch eating bad food watching Biggest Loser thinking I cant do it" but you know what? I CAN AND I WILL
I have turned into someone who is scared of everything. Scared to apply to new jobs, scared to confront people when they are rude to me or treat me badly, scared to really commit to lose weight, scared to take a fitness class infront of other people, scared to be intimate with my boyfriend because of my total lack of self confidence (even though he tells me I am beautiful every single day but it matters what I think even though I love him to death), scared of exploring the new city I just moved to, scared to do pretty much anything and it is holding me back in every regard of my life and my twenties are just floating by before my eyes.
This is my time and I am ready to take control. I know it wont be easy but I hope to really make my dreams come true and to love who I am on the inside and the outside. I will be scared, I will want to quit, I will want to go get me some All Dressed Chips and eat the whole bag, I will try to justify why I just bought those chips, I will be a huge brat due to withdrawal of said chips lol but I can do this and I hope whoever reads this feels a tiny bit inspired to do the same and maybe we can support each other in this hard challenge that is weight loss and the journey to self confidence!
i can do this
My name is Lauren and I am a 24 year old girl who is completely ready to change my life however I know this challenge is going to be long and very hard as I believe I have an addiction to food. Sometimes I wonder if other people feel this way, I wonder if I am the only one out there who feels truly addicted to food. I wonder if this is a crutch I use to justify the fact that I am overweight or if there is food addiction in actuality. Sometimes when I confide in people that I feel I have this addiction they look at me and say "oh yeah right" and proceed to laugh and poke fun at the statement I had just made. People think you have to be morbidly obese to have an addiction to food and just because I am not morbidly obese these people think I do not need help nor do I have a problem and this my friends has enabled me to continue to get bigger. Sometimes I feel absolutely crazy when I say out loud that I have an addiction to food and I believe that stopping these bad habits is like quitting smoking or drinking its hard and you sit there and constantly think about it until it makes you sick inside and you just have to go and get in your car and get to that convenience store or local pizza place to pick up your favourite junk. Mine is chips and pizza. Now I know that addictions come from somewhere and that we use our drug of choice (mine being food) to medicate feelings and emotions that we carry deep inside us and I myself am a definite example of this.
I use food whenever I am feeling lonely, sad, depressed, bored or restless. Food has this power of me that when i am sitting there eating a whole medium or large pizza to myself it feels good like I have company. Isn't it sad that I can say out loud that pizza keeps me company? Am I the only one who does this? But the hard part is after I have scoffed down that whole pizza I feel double as lonely and fat and bad about myself as I did before I ate it. It is such a short fix, a short lived high and it does not provide any sort of positive benefit in my life. When I was in high school I always enjoyed junk food but what teenager doesn't? However I was very active and a huge athlete back then and also was much happier until I hit a certain rough period which will be revealed in future blogs. Once this pivotal event happened in my life I held it in and felt so bad about myself and just started eating because that was the only thing I felt I could control. It's the same for people who are anorexic or bulimic it's just another type of eating disorder. When you are sitting in your room door closed, blinds closed eating chicken wings 5 nights a week and are hiding the garbage so your roomates don't see it...that is a problem my friends!
I started out university at 130 pounds and I now weigh 193 the most I have ever weighed in my entire life and I have never felt less pretty, sexy, self confident or happy. I have dealt with depression throughout my adult life however now I feel it has hit an all time high. I am not enjoying my life, I am not living my life and I vow to change that.
Why has it taken me so long? Why has it taken being overweight for so many years without me doing anything about it? Why have I not taken control of my own destiny? Why do I let myself get so brought down by other girls or friends that have turned their backs on me? Why do I make excuse after pathetic excuse as to why I have not done anything about this yet? I need to start loving myself again so that I will not be so effected by what others think of me and say about me to my face and behind my back. I need to take control of my life instead of watching it pass me by while I am sitting on the couch, blinds closed, eating horrible food wallowing in my own misery.
I have always been a huge fan of The Biggest Loser and of course I cry at every episode. I used to cry out of pure joy for these people who are dealing with so many emotions and obstacles and really going for it and taking control of their lives. But now I cry because I RELATE to them and I never thought this would happen. The latest episode when Rebecca (who looks fabulous) was voted off really got to me. The final 6 gave speeches to an audience about their struggle with weight loss and I found I could relate to so much of what they were saying. I was sitting on my couch bawling my eyes out saying "I'm that girl on the couch eating bad food watching Biggest Loser thinking I cant do it" but you know what? I CAN AND I WILL
I have turned into someone who is scared of everything. Scared to apply to new jobs, scared to confront people when they are rude to me or treat me badly, scared to really commit to lose weight, scared to take a fitness class infront of other people, scared to be intimate with my boyfriend because of my total lack of self confidence (even though he tells me I am beautiful every single day but it matters what I think even though I love him to death), scared of exploring the new city I just moved to, scared to do pretty much anything and it is holding me back in every regard of my life and my twenties are just floating by before my eyes.
This is my time and I am ready to take control. I know it wont be easy but I hope to really make my dreams come true and to love who I am on the inside and the outside. I will be scared, I will want to quit, I will want to go get me some All Dressed Chips and eat the whole bag, I will try to justify why I just bought those chips, I will be a huge brat due to withdrawal of said chips lol but I can do this and I hope whoever reads this feels a tiny bit inspired to do the same and maybe we can support each other in this hard challenge that is weight loss and the journey to self confidence!
i can do this
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