Eating my Feelings, Ex Drama and Crushes

Hello friends,

Well I think my title says it all lol but I will explain! So let's just say the 17 Day Diet was a fail. I just can't stick to something like that, I cannot give up carbs completely, not that I eat them a lot anyways I think I eat bread like once a month now (other than pizza which I eat like once a week, need to stop that for sure). Anyways, I think I just need to commit to losing weight and then just eat better and go to the gym. I mean I do not need to drastically change things it is just that I have a few very bad habits, and also I am the worst emotional eater EVER. I have to stop eating and snacking at night, especially since my snacks are always Fritos or chips. I also need to stop ordering pizza and chicken wings for dinner whenever my parents go out to dinner (I like to secretly eat, so I take advantage when they aren't home). I also get the worst cravings EVER it's a little voice in my head that does not quit and just tortures me until I get in my car and drive to the corner store for those chips, it is bad my friends. The summer just has not been the best for me, I have not done anything fun at all. I have been working like every day (which is good because I need to save money to move out by December 1st) but I have NO social life. I am the only single girl out of all my friends, so they are always with their boyfriends, and I would like a boy to hang out with, alas there isn't one and probably won't be one for awhile. ugh.

My ex drama is definitely annoying. It used to be that he was harassing me constantly about how awful a person I was for breaking up with him and how he will never be over me, he will never move on, he will never find anyone else, I would be an awful person if I dated anyone this summer because it would show that I never really loved him, blah blah blah. Well guess what??? I saw him with a girl!!! He met some girl online, went out with her once and is now in a Facebook official relationship with her. W..T...F?! It just really pisses me off that he has moved on SO fast. I know it has been 3 months but still, he was going on and on about how I would be the awful one if I dated anyone this summer and now he does it??? He has moved on already after going on and on about how he will never move on? UGH. Now I feel like he didn't really care about me as much as he says. And it just hurts that he has moved on and is in a relationship and then here I am all alone, no prospects at all and feeling like I will never have another boyfriend. UGH UGH UGH. He now keeps asking me if we can be friends, but I don't think we can. Why do I always fail at relationships??? I have had so many boyfriends and they obviously never work out I just can't handle it anymore I feel like I will never have that happy relationship that I want... Sad.

Now on to my next thing to be sad about, a crush. Yes people I have a crush on an old friend who I have recently started hanging out with and talking to again. He is everything I would want in a boyfriend. However he is very anti relationship right now and is playing the field this summer, hanging out with girls, hooking up with girls and just having fun. All girls love him so I do not stand a chance. I thought maybe when he is ready for a relationship he would choose me, but I am pretty sure I am giving up. He won't like me back the way I like him. So I will just have to get over it...