Need a New Scale, Officially

Good day all,

It has been awhile since I have blogged. I had to finish the cross stitch for K's mom which I gave her last night for her birthday. It took me 6 months and I worked so hard on it and it turned out great seeing as though it was only my second one ever. Her reaction was not quite what I expected but I am sure she liked it, I hope she did anyways!! So we went for dinner at a pub so clearly nothing healthy on the menu so I got one piece of fish and about 10 french fries, the portions were so skimpy but I was glad about it too because then I did not eat more!

I also went home to my home town for 3 days and it was great. I miss it sooo much there. It took me moving hours away to a big city to realize how much I miss it there and want to live there more than anything. Only 4 more months here, and then 8 months at school and then I plan to move back to my home town or at least the surrounding area. I just miss being there in the small town and having everyone know each other and being close to my family and such so I had a mini break down while I was there. Just sad and missing it there a lot, and I just hate my job here and ugh I do not know swimming in debt and just breaking down about all of the above. But anyways, I guess I will be back there in exactly 1 year, hope it goes fast. I just hope to have a great experience while at school, it is weird going back to living in residence and being a student I mean I have not lived in residence or started a new school since 2004 so this will be interesting. Just hope I do not miss my family and K too much as I will ONLY be home at Christmas and that is it :(

In relation to my weight loss I need a new scale. I decided to go cold turkey on chips and candy and such bad things because I know if I have them in my house I will not eat them in moderation so I decided cold turkey for now would be the best idea. On Monday before my weight watchers meeting I weighed myself and it said that I had gained 3 pounds since my last weigh in, I was so upset I did not want to weigh in, I was going to skip my meeting but I sucked it up and went. They told me I was 193 therefore I LOST .8 I mean it is not a huge loss but I will take it considering I thought I gained 3 pounds and I know what I can improve on for this week. So when I was at home I weighed myself and was 190.8 (awesome) then today my scale has given me about 10 different weights, I am going on my way home from work tonight to Wal Mart to buy a new one, I cannot handle this one anymore it discourages me too much by lying to me and I hate not knowing where I stand! So a new one it is!

So did I tell you guys how much I HATE MY JOB?? ugh, I do not even know where to start seriously, it is horrible. I have always worked at grocery stores this is my 11th year doing it, so first of all I am just ready to not be doing it anymore. But I really really hate this one, it is insanely busy. I mean I am used to working in a busy place but this is ridiculous I mean 10 people in my line at all times. And they make us bag the groceries and put them in their cart and basically do everything (for minimum wage) ofcourse. I am sweating my ass off at work which is gross and great treated HORRIBLY by the customers and also co workers. No one talks to each other I am used to talking to my customers and knowing them and now no one talks to me it is horrible. I hate being treated like crap for minimum wage, UGGGGH. I just hate it. I am debating applying to one of the other grocery stores here which is a lot easier and people talk to each other. I mean even the woman who trained me told me it is the "coldest" store she has ever been at and I am not down with that. I just do not know what to do, do I stick it out for 3 months? Or do I apply to the other store. Ugh I hate being miserable and hating having to go there all the time. What do you think I should do?

PS Biggest Loser makeover week, LOVE IT!

Meet The Enemy

This my friends, is the enemy. I have been feeling so bad about myself lately that I have just been stuffing my face with Doritos and laying around. Isn't it silly that we get into these cycles that we feel bad about ourselves for being overweight so we eat more and just gain more weight? Something is twisted about that, and I need to find a way to change this. I want to start running but I never have. I am in such bad shape that I feel like I would run for 5 seconds and be out of breath. Does anyone have any running tips for me? I am a total newbie and I have no clue what to do. I just always feel like I cannot do something, I have had this mentality for so long with everything I do. I am surprised I am actually going to teachers college part of me thinks I will not be good at it, I just quit things or do not start them because I feel like I will fail. Ugh I do not know, but I want to try this time! I want to face my fear of failure. So tomorrow I run (well probably walk), but any running advice or tips would be great! Hope everyone is having a great weekend!

Yes, I Have Been Hiding

Hello friends,
No I am not dead, but I have been hiding from the world and from all my bloggie buddies. Why? Because I have been doing horribly in my weight loss journey. I feel ashamed and crappy about myself UGH. However I am doing something about it. My friend Allison over at lovingmycomplicatedlife.blogspot.com/ has really been a great help to me and is really encouraging me to get back on track. I have set a new goal of losing 10 pounds by my 25th birthday which is on May 15th. So I am hoping for 184 by then. I have been doing so poorly lately, too many life things getting in the way. K got his eye surgery and so I have been looking after him being what he calls "the drop nazi" because he needs about 50 drops a day and I put them in for him. So I really have not been concentrating on working out or eating well. But I WILL accomplish my goal, I WILL! But it is very exciting that now K can see, although he is walking around inside in the dark with his sunglasses on, I think he might be milking it for all it is worth, but is that not what men do?

I also somehow got a bladder infection (sorry for the TMI) but you girls know what I mean, these are horribly uncomfortable and it is hard to try exercising and such when you feel like you have to pee every 5 seconds even though you do not UGH, hate them.

I do not really have much to say even though I have been away for awhile just because I really have not been doing anything. I really do want to be 184 by my birthday and I will, thanks everyone for encouraging me and feel free to send any advice or encouragement my way :)

MIA

Hello friends
Yes I have been MIA (missing in action) for a few days, pretty much avoiding admitting that I have not done well the past few days. Needless to say I have almost gained back everything that I lost in the past couple weeks since I started this weight loss journey. I was so stressed last week about the job and school thing that I ate horribly and was not working out, and then this past weekend was K's birthday so where we went for lunch and dinner were horribly unhealthy and had no healthy options available. I know sometimes this is what happens, we have family things at restaurants that have no good options, and at first I felt okay with this, but now I am feeling bad about it after weighing in this morning and realizing I have gained almost everything back.

I am feeling bad about myself.

I joined the Ugly Cupcake society and our first challenge was to lose 5 pounds this week and I have gained. I will continue with the challenge however it is a definite that I will not lose 5 or even 2.

It is so hot in here, our landlords have not given us screens so I cannot even open the window. UGH

I have to decide between Queens University and the University of Ottawa by this Saturday. I do not know what to do. I want to go to Queens but it will cost about 5000 more, but I feel it would be worth it if that is where I want to be, but I just do not know what to do.

I hate feeling this way about myself.