Monday, April 26, 2010

Rock Bottom

Just a warning, this post will be jumbled, negative and descriptive of things you may not want to know about. If you want to read a cheery blog I am sorry but it will not be mine :( Not this time anyways. I normally hide and do not post when I am feeling this bad and some fellow bloggers encouraged me to write when I am feeling such as I am now so I am taking this advice.


I join weight watchers I buy good food, I make sure I have all the tools available to lose weight and you know what? I do nothing about it. I was going to completely avoid telling what I had for dinner and I planned on hiding it from K (so much shame involved) but I know he reads this blog and now he knows, but you know what I joined WW on saturday and here I am on Monday eating a whole small pizza and garlic bread. My body rebelled ( I will not go into detail on that one) but literally 5 minutes after I was finished I was in the bathroom... not good. I actually sat there in the bathroom and out loud said "what the f**k are you doing to yourself Lauren?", I think I have hit rock bottom. I have never felt such shame towards myself. It is so ridiculous because I am always saying that I have all the tools to lose weight yet I do not do anything about it and that I know what I need to do but I do not do it but you know what? The truth is, I do not know what I need to do because I have never done it. I have to try something new, something completely out of my comfort zone and something I just do not know what to do to be successful because I never give myself a chance to. Fear of trying new things has pushed me down so much in the past and it is doing it again. It is controlling me.


  1. I honestly think you have to hit rock bottom to make a change in your life. For anything really, for someone to truly want to change, they have to hit bottom, with drugs, alchohol, love life & relationships, and in your case food.
    For me I had two children and in those years the weight slowly crept up and I always made the excuse I was too busy to work out, but really it was just laziness. After I had my 2nd child I was 171 and I saw a picture of myself and that was my breaking point. I guess you could say that was my "rock bottom". From then on I made a decision to eat right foods, not for just a couple weeks or a month, but to make LIFESTYLE CHANGE, because I knew I would not truly like myself if I didn't. Not saying you have to be 130 lbs to be happy, that is far from what I mean, but I knew my weight was keeping me from being the person that I wanted to be.
    You just have to make a decision within yourself, find a strenght and draw from it, I swear if you can commit for 1 or 2 months, you will see improvements and then you will want to continue with it. That was November 08 and I weighed 171, now April 2010 I am currently 142 and still losing. I lost 20 lbs just from eating healthy, no working out at all so it CAN be done, it's hard but it is possible. I have recently started working out along with eating healthy because I was "stuck" around 150 for a long time.
    YOU CAN DO IT! Tell yourself that you are worth it. I would suggest cleaning out your pantry so that when K is not home, you will be forced to make healthy choices. And you know what, if you have a cheat day, so what, you didn't gain your weight in one day, as long as it doesn't continue into the next day, just say "that was great, tomorrow back to it" and start over again. The weight will continue to come off.
    Hang in there girl, it's tough being a woman!

    sorry for the long post : )

  2. oh do not be sorry I appreciate that SOOO much, thank you for your advice and words!! You have helped more than you know!

  3. This post broke my heart because I can relate to it so much! I have been there Lauren! I have hid what I eat. I have indulged; I have eaten 2 whole bags of Oreos in one sitting ALONE! I felt ashamed, angry, confused, and JUST HORRENDOUS! You are a strong, intelligent, beautiful person! Just like the old saying..."You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink." We can be given all the tools in the world to help us lose weight and get healthy, but until we truly hit rock bottom and dig deep we will not utilize those tools. LOVE yourself Lauren! You deserve not to eat that small pizza and bread. So many times we say that we deserve the piece of cake or pie, when what we really deserve is NOT to eat it and take care of our precious bodies! Hitting the bottom means the only way to go now is UP. Start climbing Lauren, reach high! I truly believe in you and I want to see you happy and loving yourself!! I am here!


  4. You aren't giving yourself enough time for change to take hold. Pick one small thing...and stick with it for a week before letting the enormity of your efforts overwhelm you. Get used to performing that new habit even if it does absolutely nothing for losing weight...just that it was one thing that you could hold on to and demonstrate to yourself that you do have control over it. You may simply not be ready for too much change at once...time need to give yourself a chance.

  5. :( agree with the first comment, i think we all have to have a rock bottom moment before we force ourselves that we can't live like this anymore! i weighed myself, saw pictures, bought bigger clothes, but it wasn't until i couldnt even attempt to button a pair of my "fat" pants that i was like, whoa - something has to change! i've lost 23 lbs so far and feel so much better! it gets easier! like kyle said, i'd pick one thing that is your biggest vice and just don't do that ONE thing for a week. for me i always failed because i tried to completely change my eating habits in one day and start exercising all at once! when i did it and it worked, it was because i said OK, this week i'm not going to eat any fries (my weakness) or drink any regular soda (my biggest addiction of my life!) and literally all i did was stop doing those two things (granted they're a BIG part of gaining weight) and in one month i lost 10 lbs. nothing else. i still ate fast food, i barely exercised, but i identified what were the biggest causes for me being overweight, eliminated them, and the rest is catching up. this is now my 5th month in weight loss and this is the first month i've done anything even remotely stuck to an exercise regime!

    sorry soo long but i just completely understand where you're coming from (I was you 5 months ago!!) and i hope that what i said helps! !!

  6. I just want to thank all of you for your comments, they all REALLY helped and made me feel better. I am definitely going to take your advice and try and cut out my biggest problems for one week so I will give up chips and regular pop for one week and thats it, it will be much easier to try and give up 2 things then change everything drastically you guys are right, I never really thought of that before I always just tried to jump in all at once. Thanks a lot, you guys help more than you know.

  7. I agree with what everyone's said (and am right there with you! **HUGS**). Hitting rock bottom is important (even if it's the umpteenth time!) but even more important is recognizing it (which it sounds like you have) and making changes to prevent that from happening again. Small changes, one at a time (easier said than done sometimes!) is far better than revamping and overhauling all together. Especially if you're going for a permanent change!


  8. Congratulations on overcoming your shame to Blog.

    That's a huge step and means you are on the way to winning.


  9. I would like to extend an invitation to all my friends and family to join me in this endeavor and make this a successful project. All you have to do is post a comment below and tell us how many pounds you are planning to lose. Now for the donation, I have come up with a figure that I am comfortable with but it is totally up to each individual to pledge their own amount. Also Aga Khan Foundation is my choice to donate but if you feel that there is a charity out there that will benefit from your contribution than you are more than welcome to choose it but do go to to learn more about the institutions and how they are working towards educating children and alleviating poverty.

  10. Lauren,
    Came across your blog today and I'm hearing your frustration. Having just started my own effort to lose the weight I no longer want to hold on to anymore, my mind too is a buzz with just what to do first. But as you noted in your comment here you've picked up on making a change at a time. For you it is pop & chips. For me my week one change was no more fast food. A tough one for me but I figured that was the one thing I had to knock off if I was really serious this time. And I am.

    Look forward to following your progress here - you can do it. We can all do it!


  11. Oh Lauren, I think we all can relate to this.
    I have most certainly hid what I've eaten on NUMEROUS occasions.
    I've gone so far as to take the trash to the dumpster so my husband wouldn't see it in our kitchen trash can.
    I've felt disgusted with myself after a meal.
    I've had binges and then felt ashamed afterwards.

    But when I made a decision to change, it was like I quit all that cold turkey.
    My breaking point for me was hearing people's negative comments about me. That made me want to prove them wrong and prove to myself that I COULD do this and I COULD lose weight.

    My weakness was fast food (still is).
    So I had to quit going to fast food restaurants all together.
    I didn't have fast food for nearly 4 months.
    When I felt like I could finally control myself, I stopped avoiding fast food places and would opt for healthier choices.

    You've just gotta look at it like this:
    Losing weight sucks.
    It's hard.
    Accept it.
    Now move on and take the right steps to correct it.

    You just have to suck it up, and make a change once and for all!
    You can do it!!!!!

  12. I don't know if you're binging or if you're actually hungry because if you're binging, a lot of times it has to do with deeper emotional issues, insecurities, fears, self-doubt. We're very critical of ourselves. What you have to realize is that you aren't perfect. AND THAT IS OK. Nobody is asking you to be perfect. So you had a pizza and garlic bread. It's not the end of the world. If it was because you had a craving for pizza and garlic bread, make it yourself next time. You can make it healthier and cheaper! If you're eating because of binging though, I would take some time to really reflect on what led to the binge. That's a personal thing for each individual (and I'm not a therapist either) but I've had binge sessions in the past because I felt worthless, because I was depressed, because I felt like everything was out of my control.

    Once you can spot your problems, you can tackle them head on.

    As for having your tools and using them, you need to find what works for you and to be patient with it. This is a lifelong journey and transformation won't happen over night. Remember, you're not looking to be perfect. You're looking to be the best Lauren you can be. That's all anyone can ask for.

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