Saturday, April 10, 2010

Fallen Off the Wagon Face First

Hello all
Sorry for my absence it has been a crazy week here for me. As you can see in my title I have pretty much face planted off the weight loss wagon, UGH. So many things have been happening so I will do my best not to write a huge novel of a post and just touch on what has been going on.

So first of all weight loss...well more like weight gain. Many contributers to my weight gain this week. First it was K's birthday last weekend so the place we went for lunch and dinner that day had literally not one healthy choice unless I just did not eat and that was not an option. So on his birthday and the day after which was Easter I did not eat well. So i gained about a pound or two not bad I thought I can get back on track but then we decided to do a last minute road trip to see the 2 schools that I got into because I had to make my choice by... TODAY! So we went to Kingston which is about a 4 hour drive and then Ottawa which is a 7 hour drive from here. We got up at 4am and drove all day and stopped to see the 2 schools. Needless to say road trip eating is never good, just stopping at truck stops and such and eating horribly. We have not eaten a home cooked meal in a week, so I am definitely making dinner tonight. Don't you just feel horrible after eating out so much? We ate out for probably 6 or 7 nights in a row so I just feel so gross. I am right back to where I started, sad :(

The stress of choosing a school was getting to me so badly, my parents wanted me to choose Ottawa because my uncle lives there but when we went I really did not like it there. I am a small town girl and even living in the city I live in now I find I have a hard time I could not imagine moving to a city of 900 000 people. I just did not like it, the city is pretty but its just too busy and crazy for me and the campus is right in the middle of it all. But I felt the guilt of having to choose there, I eat my feelings in case you did not know, so I was eating all the stress and guilt just sitting in my bedroom all day thinking and eating. Sometimes I wish my parents could just be proud of me and want me to go to the best school but ALL they care about is me saving money, I made my choice of schools for undergrad based on what my mom wanted me to do, and I seem to always make choices based on what other people want and not what I want. I need to change this. This probably contributed a lot to my weight gain. So I solemnly swear to get back on track and start losing again I really want to, I do not want to be like this, I feel horrible about myself, I feel fat and very ugly, not a good feeling :( I really want to join Curves or Weight Watchers but I have no money at all and when I start my job it will only pay for my rent so that will not be happening so I hope you fellow bloggies out there can help me! I participated in the Ugly Cupcake Challenge this week and it was to lose 5 pounds, needless to say I GAINED. But I hope to do better next week. Congrats to those who did lose though, thats awesome :)

Knowing that I am officially moving hours and hours away from my boyfriend and my cats is starting to hit me hard, I know when the date gets closer I am not going to want to go I am sad just thinking about it. He is my best friend we have been together almost every day since we started dating, and I am super close with my kitties, I think Frank my cat will go on a hunger strike. When I even leave just for one day he disappears and pouts and does not eat. Ugh I hope I make friends while I am gone because I will be for the first time hours away from everyone I know. It will be hard.

In Biggest Loser news, who is happy the red biatch got what she deserved? ME!!!!!!!!! Good riddance you game play biatch you deserve to go home!

Well this is getting long so I really truly hope to get back on track, if I go away to school at this weight I know for a fact I will come back even bigger so I need to work on this before I go and get some good habits and routine going. AHH I AM SCARED!

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