Fallen Off the Wagon Face First

Hello all
Sorry for my absence it has been a crazy week here for me. As you can see in my title I have pretty much face planted off the weight loss wagon, UGH. So many things have been happening so I will do my best not to write a huge novel of a post and just touch on what has been going on.

So first of all weight loss...well more like weight gain. Many contributers to my weight gain this week. First it was K's birthday last weekend so the place we went for lunch and dinner that day had literally not one healthy choice unless I just did not eat and that was not an option. So on his birthday and the day after which was Easter I did not eat well. So i gained about a pound or two not bad I thought I can get back on track but then we decided to do a last minute road trip to see the 2 schools that I got into because I had to make my choice by... TODAY! So we went to Kingston which is about a 4 hour drive and then Ottawa which is a 7 hour drive from here. We got up at 4am and drove all day and stopped to see the 2 schools. Needless to say road trip eating is never good, just stopping at truck stops and such and eating horribly. We have not eaten a home cooked meal in a week, so I am definitely making dinner tonight. Don't you just feel horrible after eating out so much? We ate out for probably 6 or 7 nights in a row so I just feel so gross. I am right back to where I started, sad :(

The stress of choosing a school was getting to me so badly, my parents wanted me to choose Ottawa because my uncle lives there but when we went I really did not like it there. I am a small town girl and even living in the city I live in now I find I have a hard time I could not imagine moving to a city of 900 000 people. I just did not like it, the city is pretty but its just too busy and crazy for me and the campus is right in the middle of it all. But I felt the guilt of having to choose there, I eat my feelings in case you did not know, so I was eating all the stress and guilt just sitting in my bedroom all day thinking and eating. Sometimes I wish my parents could just be proud of me and want me to go to the best school but ALL they care about is me saving money, I made my choice of schools for undergrad based on what my mom wanted me to do, and I seem to always make choices based on what other people want and not what I want. I need to change this. This probably contributed a lot to my weight gain. So I solemnly swear to get back on track and start losing again I really want to, I do not want to be like this, I feel horrible about myself, I feel fat and very ugly, not a good feeling :( I really want to join Curves or Weight Watchers but I have no money at all and when I start my job it will only pay for my rent so that will not be happening so I hope you fellow bloggies out there can help me! I participated in the Ugly Cupcake Challenge this week and it was to lose 5 pounds, needless to say I GAINED. But I hope to do better next week. Congrats to those who did lose though, thats awesome :)

Knowing that I am officially moving hours and hours away from my boyfriend and my cats is starting to hit me hard, I know when the date gets closer I am not going to want to go I am sad just thinking about it. He is my best friend we have been together almost every day since we started dating, and I am super close with my kitties, I think Frank my cat will go on a hunger strike. When I even leave just for one day he disappears and pouts and does not eat. Ugh I hope I make friends while I am gone because I will be for the first time hours away from everyone I know. It will be hard.

In Biggest Loser news, who is happy the red biatch got what she deserved? ME!!!!!!!!! Good riddance you game play biatch you deserve to go home!

Well this is getting long so I really truly hope to get back on track, if I go away to school at this weight I know for a fact I will come back even bigger so I need to work on this before I go and get some good habits and routine going. AHH I AM SCARED!

My Oprah "AHA" Moment

Well my friends I had my first Oprah "AHA" moment, for those of you who do not watch Oprah an "aha" moment is when something just hits you, I guess it is along the same lines as having an epiphany. Last night I could not sleep at all, I tried so hard but just could not sleep, apart from K snoring I was being kept up by something different, my brain! It just would not stop thinking, it was yelling at me and would not let me sleep no matter how hard I wanted to. Normally I can just shut off my mind and rationalize things by making many excuses. I am a master at this, I always came up with crazy rationalizations for dropping classes, spending money, not losing weight, eating a whole pizza. But this time I simply had no excuses I tried to tell my brain to shut up but it just would not let me sleep it would not allow it! So i laid there went into the spare room because K was snoring so loud and just laid there with Frank my cat and thought.

I thought that I really can give this weight loss thing a try, I was always skinny growing up and never ever had to worry about losing weight. I was one of those people who could eat fried chicken and Fritos everyday and not gain a pound. Now I hate people like that lol. My sister always told me that one day it would catch up to me and IT DID. So as the years have gone by I have just completely sat on my ass and not truly tried to lose it and now I have over 50 pounds to lose because I just kept eating my feelings and drowning my sorrows in pizza. So last night I committed to myself that I would truly 100% commit to losing this weight, I am going to try my hardest and do my best to do this. For the first time I am going to put everything I have into it, so today was Day 1 of the healthy lifestyle I promise to lead. So I guarantee some posts to come that I will be writing about chip withdrawal and not wanting to work out and wanting to binge on pizza. So my friends I plead with you when you see these posts yell at me!!

So after all these realizations I finally fell asleep for about an hour only to wake up to my cat puking on my bedroom carpet, what a way to start a new day!! So today i start tracking my food and working out, so here is what I did and ate.

Breakfast: 2 pieces of whole wheat toast with peanut butter, strawberry activia yogurt(mmm) and apple juice
Lunch: crackers, 2 bottles of water
Dinner: Subway sub, diet coke

I really did not eat a lot today but my small victory was that I did not eat anything bad for me, which believe me is a huge success for me. I also did 45 minutes of a sweaty workout on the Wii some Wii Fit and some Biggest Loser (which kicked my ass). Does anyone else get angry when their Wii Fit goes "OOOH you are overweight" I want to kick it, although I know it is telling me the truth. I have added a picture of my starting weight and BMI on the Wii fit, borderline obese, this will change my friends!

I have also added some pictures of my loves to brighten up my blog with the things I love the most:)

Happy weekend everyone!

Notice how my Mii is very ashamed of her BMI lol her eyes are shut, she does not want to look at it!



The quality is not good, but you get the point!