Decision Time, In Pictures!

I have made my decision, I am officially going to Queens University in the fall. Here are some beautiful pictures of where I will be living (just the campus) it is so gorgeous there! In one picture you will see a jail, it is the Kingston Prison for Women which I can throw a rock at from where I will be living, creepy...and the mens prison the Kingston Penitentiary where the worst criminals in Canada live can also be seen from my future window! I hope none of them escape!










This is the residence I will hopefully be living in.



Prison for Women! At first I thought it was the mens prison and I saw no wall or anything and I was like "HELL NO AM I LIVING HERE! THEY COULD LOOK RIGHT AT ME OUT THEIR WINDOW!" But then I found out the mens one was down the street and it looked like Shawshank, no one is getting out of there lol.

Fallen Off the Wagon Face First

Hello all
Sorry for my absence it has been a crazy week here for me. As you can see in my title I have pretty much face planted off the weight loss wagon, UGH. So many things have been happening so I will do my best not to write a huge novel of a post and just touch on what has been going on.

So first of all weight loss...well more like weight gain. Many contributers to my weight gain this week. First it was K's birthday last weekend so the place we went for lunch and dinner that day had literally not one healthy choice unless I just did not eat and that was not an option. So on his birthday and the day after which was Easter I did not eat well. So i gained about a pound or two not bad I thought I can get back on track but then we decided to do a last minute road trip to see the 2 schools that I got into because I had to make my choice by... TODAY! So we went to Kingston which is about a 4 hour drive and then Ottawa which is a 7 hour drive from here. We got up at 4am and drove all day and stopped to see the 2 schools. Needless to say road trip eating is never good, just stopping at truck stops and such and eating horribly. We have not eaten a home cooked meal in a week, so I am definitely making dinner tonight. Don't you just feel horrible after eating out so much? We ate out for probably 6 or 7 nights in a row so I just feel so gross. I am right back to where I started, sad :(

The stress of choosing a school was getting to me so badly, my parents wanted me to choose Ottawa because my uncle lives there but when we went I really did not like it there. I am a small town girl and even living in the city I live in now I find I have a hard time I could not imagine moving to a city of 900 000 people. I just did not like it, the city is pretty but its just too busy and crazy for me and the campus is right in the middle of it all. But I felt the guilt of having to choose there, I eat my feelings in case you did not know, so I was eating all the stress and guilt just sitting in my bedroom all day thinking and eating. Sometimes I wish my parents could just be proud of me and want me to go to the best school but ALL they care about is me saving money, I made my choice of schools for undergrad based on what my mom wanted me to do, and I seem to always make choices based on what other people want and not what I want. I need to change this. This probably contributed a lot to my weight gain. So I solemnly swear to get back on track and start losing again I really want to, I do not want to be like this, I feel horrible about myself, I feel fat and very ugly, not a good feeling :( I really want to join Curves or Weight Watchers but I have no money at all and when I start my job it will only pay for my rent so that will not be happening so I hope you fellow bloggies out there can help me! I participated in the Ugly Cupcake Challenge this week and it was to lose 5 pounds, needless to say I GAINED. But I hope to do better next week. Congrats to those who did lose though, thats awesome :)

Knowing that I am officially moving hours and hours away from my boyfriend and my cats is starting to hit me hard, I know when the date gets closer I am not going to want to go I am sad just thinking about it. He is my best friend we have been together almost every day since we started dating, and I am super close with my kitties, I think Frank my cat will go on a hunger strike. When I even leave just for one day he disappears and pouts and does not eat. Ugh I hope I make friends while I am gone because I will be for the first time hours away from everyone I know. It will be hard.

In Biggest Loser news, who is happy the red biatch got what she deserved? ME!!!!!!!!! Good riddance you game play biatch you deserve to go home!

Well this is getting long so I really truly hope to get back on track, if I go away to school at this weight I know for a fact I will come back even bigger so I need to work on this before I go and get some good habits and routine going. AHH I AM SCARED!

April Fools!

Happy April Fools everyone,
Did anyone play any jokes today? Normally I always do but I did not this year, I am losing my pranking touch I guess, well needless to say my mind has been elsewhere! SO....I GOT INTO TEACHERS COLLEGE IN ONTARIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is huge, I do not know how many of my followers are from Ontario but it is extremely hard to get in here, my sister who had a 88% university average did not get in as well as many other people I know who had to end up paying 25 000$ to go in the US. So I was shocked that I got in. I applied to 3 schools, and I got into 2 and then got on the wait list for the 3rd. Now here is where it becomes hard. The one that I got on the wait list is the city I am in right now, which means I will for sure be moving at least 5 hours from here. This is because I have to make a decision on where I will go by April 10th which is SO SOON. So if I were to only accept the wait list offer at the school in my city I would be taking a huge risk of not even getting in. So my choice is between Queens University which has been coined "Ontario's Harvard" just has some prestige to it I guess or the University of Ottawa which is our nations capital. So they are both great schools and I have a huge decision to make, and it is hard because I have been to neither city so I have to make a blind decision. The one thing is, is that I always regretted not going to Queens for my undergrad, it is so hard to get in there and I did yet I did not go for stupid reasons I went to the university in my hometown. So how often do we get to fulfill a regret? Not often. So I will keep everyone updated as to where I choose!

I was telling K I hope that me getting into school was not a crazy April Fools joke, I would cry! But when I found out I got in no one was here so I just started crying, nothing has gone my way in soooo long I was just wanting to give up on everything especially myself and my future. I called my parents and they were screaming and whistling and so happy for me so that made me feel good. I will have to take on more debt but it will be worth it in the end! The one thing is that K and I have not been apart at all since we started dating and now we will be 5 or 7 hours apart and will not see each other very often, probably only at holidays, and I am very close with my one cat too :( So it has not hit me that I will not see them everyday, but when it does I know I will be sad. But it will be a brand new experience in a new city with new people, so we will see :S

In other news, I GOT A JOB TODAY TOO!! I swear April Fools Day must be good luck for me! It is just a grocery store job but I do not care it is only for 4 months until I move and it will pay my bills!! So needless to say good things have been happening :)

In weight news, well I ate horrible yesterday and today (UGH) normally I would just say I screwed up and throw in the towel but tomorrow is a new day and I will lose what I gained back and keep on losing. I want to be in the 170s by my 25th birthday in May so I have a lot of work to do. The first Ugly Cupcake Society challenge starts tomorrow and I am so happy for that because it will keep me motivated. This weekend will be hard because it is K's birthday and we are going out for pizza and wings but it is something we have maybe once every few months so I will just accept it and move on. I have NOT been working out this week at all, I am losing motivation I hope all this good news helps me get back into it because I do not want to be this way anymore especially when starting on a new adventure in September I want to be my best self!!

Hope everyone has a great long weekend and a great Easter, and good luck to all you ugly cupcakes out there, let's really kick some butt this week :)

Why Am I Such A Procrastinator???

All I can say my friends is UGH!! WHY AM I SUCH A PROCRASTINATOR?????? I am very mad at myself right now for numerous reasons. First of all I am mad at myself because teachers college applications are due December 1st which is yes 8 days away (can you believe it? Christmas is in a month!!). So of course last night I was laying in bed talking to my boyfriend about if I even want to go to teachers college. Now is this because I am afraid? Is this another thing I am shying away from due to fear? Or do I really just not want to go or maybe I am not ready or maybe I just want to do something else with my life. I have always wanted to help people I have always debated between counselling or teaching so I am now having a hard time figuring out what I want to do with this December 1st deadline looming over my head. So I almost just said I am not going to apply...I actually got to this point because I am scared and unsure.
However I have decided to go for it, although I may be too late. I am hoping my transcripts from the school I did my undergraduate degree at get to the teachers colleges I have applied to within the next 8 days or else ... well I have screwed myself once again due to my procrastination and fear. So needless to say I am extreme paranoid that my transcripts will not get there in time and that I will end up wasting 400 dollars in applying with no point :( So cross your fingers for me!! I just hate not knowing what I want to do with my life. I know I want to help people I would love to get into counselling but that requires me to go get my masters which I probably do not have the grades for even though I have an honours degree I do have some bad marks on my transcripts which unfortunately brought my average down to a low B which does not get you into Graduate school. So I do think I would love teaching its just will I get there? Will I get in? It is notoriously hard to get in to teachers college where I live so there is a big possibility that I will not even get in. Ugh. I hate not knowing for sure what i want to do. I used to think that by the time I was 25 I would know what I wanted to do with my life and I would actually be doing it. But I have no clue and I am just sitting on my couch wondering what the heck am I doing with my life? *SIGH*
Another thing I am disappointed with is that I did not go to the gym today nor did I exercise or eat lots of fruit or veggies. I had such good intentions as I went to the fridge tonight and saw no food. Now that I have started eating better my groceries are not lasting as long because I am not ordering take out or eating chips for breakfast lunch and dinner anymore. So tomorrow I definitely have to load up on groceries AND go to the gym!!
I am currently forcing myself to watch the series finale of Jon and Kate Plus 8 just to see what the end will bring for them. However the show is about Kate taking the kids to a dairy farm and Jon yelling at his kids and acting like a giant D-BAG so I guess nothing on this episode is different than any other. It is sad that families can fall apart like that and to see clips of them really happy together and now they are in such a bad place...makes me sad for them :( No matter how much of a jerk he is made out to be or diva she is made out to be I cannot help but feel sorry for them. But I feel sorry for everyone and just wish I could help everyone, I guess maybe I should keep helping myself first!!
Well peeps have a good night and I will post again tomorrow with a hopeful weight in the 180s I am only .4 pounds away from 189 YAY I am sure my eyebrows are eagerly awaiting the 189 pounds celebratory plucking!