Friday, December 18, 2009

I am failing...NOT GOOD

Well people I am not doing well with the weight loss and life changes. I am very discouraged as I have been looking for a job and applying every single day and have not received one phone call, UGH. Apparently a university degree and 10 years experience do not get you a job, it is driving me crazy which means I have been sitting around at home eating bad food. Such a horrible cycle. I also have not been going to the gym or going to the counselling that I said I was going to do. Lets just hope people are waiting to hire after the holidays and I can pull myself out of this bad rut I am in.
I am also a giant scaredy cat lol, my boyfriend has been working midnights which leaves me alone during the night and last night some guy knocked on my door a few times and was creeping me out. This lead to me not sleeping at all and staying up until 630 when my boyfriend came home, so now I feel like total crap!! I have always been this way, I get scared of things that should not scare me. When I was a kid I had horrible night terrors, the same dream haunted me every single night for years and turned me into someone who is afraid of the night. Not every night am I afraid just when things like that happen or I hear noises, but I have my kitties here to protect me (yeah right).
I have been keeping myself busy reading and cross stitching. I made my mom a cross stitch picture and am working on one for my boyfriends mom too, my mom will be so proud she is a very crafty lady and will be proud that I have made her something for Christmas. I have also started a new venture reading the top 100 books of all time. I am on the second one right now which is "The Da Vinci Code" which is awesome!! So i am almost done 2 out of 100 books, hopefully I can get this done before I die.
Right now I am trying to figure out what I am going to do with my life but it is hard since I do not find out if I got into teachers college until April 1st therefore my life is on hold. My plan right now is that if I get into teachers college then I will obviously go, but if not I am going to move to Vancouver, I have wanted to move there for years and 2 of my best friends are there so that would be nice and a good ole fun adventure. So hopefully April will come fast and I can make a plan because right now I feel like I am doing nothing with my life, my money is running out, no one is calling me for a job and I am feeling fat and depressed. So something better happen soon!!


  1. Just found your blog and I'm glad to join in your group of supporters. As someone who shares many of the same traits as you (fear of failure) which I blogged about recently (, I'd love to see you start pointing our the things that you are doing well if you feel necessary to describe all that is going so poorly. Provide some balance. You clearly are carrying a big load mentally and emotionally. I would focus on the positive that you are out there trying to get a job, many others can't claim the same ongoing determinations. You are in a relationship with someone on a different schedule as you. That alone is a huge accomplishment. You are clearing caring and giving to take your spare time to cross stitch items for ones you love.

    You beat the heck out of my "get slackjawed lost in the TV binges".

    Sorry for my first post to you, but I have a feeling that you just don't quite appreciate the positives even though we all have our disappointments to discuss. it out...we'll be there for you, but make sure you recognize the good before dwelling on the bad.

    Hang in there!

  2. OMG!! You poor girl! Just found your blog. Your life sucks right now! I'm so sorry!LOL Nothing lasts forever though...and moving to Vancouver sounds like such an adventure! Good luck!