Friday, November 20, 2009

Why Am I On The Couch?

So today has been alright so far. I reached my goals so far of not eating with the blinds closed because I have not eaten anything I am too ashamed of today. I also have been eating more and trying to eat every 2 hours even if I am not that hungry. I am learning that eating more often even if you kind of have to force it makes sure that you are not starving at any point in the day. When this happens to me and I am starving I will eat ANYTHING in sight which is usually something bad because it takes so much less time to make.
The things I am not so proud of today is that I am still just sitting on the couch all day. I recently moved to a new city so I do not know anyone yet other than my boyfriend who is at work all day from noon until 10pm and I have not gone out and gotten a job yet. Why? I DON'T KNOW!!! I do not think I am being lazy because I have been working since the age of 14 and always have but I think I have fallen into such a rut in my life that I don't even feel confident enough to go out and get a job! I only need a job that will last me until next September when I will either be attending teachers college or college so I just need a hold me over type of job which should be soooo easy to get. I have worked in a grocery store for almost 11 years so I clearly have a lot of experience and could probably walk into a grocery store around here and get a job but I sit here and think "what if they are not hiring?", "what if I don't get it?" just stupid stuff! I might as well just go and apply. What is holding me back people??? HELP ME!
So i need to get off the couch and get a job maybe that will help me with meeting new people and making some friends in this new city. I would love to have a couple girl friends to hang out with here and just have some fun!! However I went to the YMCA today and got a membership so I really hope I do not give in to my fears and just go and get er done! I am sick of my gut being big enough that I can place my bowl of chips on it without it falling off!! NOT GOOD MY FRIENDS NOT GOOD!
I am also going to find my local Weight Watchers and start attending meetings again. I have joined 3 separate times gone for a few weeks and then never followed through always making excuses for myself saying "Oh I can eat this" or "I can not go to the meeting this week because ___" just ridiculousness!!!! I am always trying to make excuses for myself and it is absolutely amazing the things I can justify to myself and make them seem rational even though they are completely irrational and ridiculous!
So today I was down 1.2 pounds which is good!! A pound I hopefully will not be re acquainted with in the future!! My eating today was OK could still have some improvement. I again had waffles and apple juice for breakfast but also had a fat free yogurt. Then for lunch I had 2 eggs with 3 strips of low salt bacon (which for me is quite the difference since I used to eat a whole package of bacon EW!). Now dinner is going to be the challenge as normally Friday night is pizza night. I will not allow myself to completely give up the foods I like because then I will just binge one day. So my dinner goal is: PORTION CONTROL!!! hopefully I can make this happen!!
Until tomorrow...
my friends...use a table not your gut to put your bowl on and make sure it is full of celery and not chips!! :)

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